Pure Mornings
by KendraxCrane
Summary: When the Joker gets blamed for a murder he did not commit, he abruptly leaves Gotham, and Bruce. Bruce is distraught and asks the help of Dr. Jonathan Crane, to find the Joker. Bruce/Joker. Implied Bruce/Crane. Slash, don't like, don't read. A bit OOC.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own any Batman characters. They belong to Dc Comics, Bob Kane. And in some case, Chris Nolan.

_________

Bruce stretched out on his freshly made bed, he sighed and looked at the side table. On the polished wooden table was a picture frame that held a beautiful picture. It was taken only a half a year ago. The setting was a snowy area in front of Wayne Manor. Taken on Christmas day, the two figures cuddling on the snowy ground. Two snowmen made in the background. Both figures men, the slimmer one with horrific scars on his face. Making it so he always appeared to be smiling.

Jack and Bruce, Joker and Batman. It didn't matter who they were to the public, Jack knew the man behind the mask, and Bruce knew the man behind the make-up.

Bruce picked up the picture and looked at it for a long time. Tears forming in his eyes. "My harlequin love...why did you leave me?" Bruce asked the empty room. Bruce then smiled at the picture, it reminded him of better days, peaceful mornings and steamy, sensual nights. But ever since the day a few weeks ago, that perfect schedule was no more.

Jack had been blamed for a murder he didn't commit(for once), a big murder. The mayor of Gotham was shot in his house, with lipstick giving him a apparent Glasgow smile. But it was a copycat, Jack had pointed out that in his homicidal days he had actually cut the corps' face into a smile, and he didn't use lipstick, he used his own blood to make the lips red. He had even shown Bruce the old cut marks on his arms and legs, also various other places.

After, the police were very set out on catching him(especially James Gordon), Jack had packed up and left. Not telling anyone were he was going, not even Bruce. Bruce had cried for days on end during that first week of Jack's disappearance.

Bruce set the frame back on the table, and sighed again. He closed his eyes, picturing that day. It had been snowing for about three hours, when Jack had convinced Bruce to make snowmen with him, Bruce also remembers thinking how childish Jack could be at times. Just wanting it to be a normal holiday, but really, normal? Ha! Not with Bruce, normal was not even in his vocabulary anymore.

The two men ended up making two snowmen. One dressed up as a bat, the other as a clown. Alfred had snuck a picture of the two cuddling in the snow. Bruce felt tears well up in his brown eyes, again. He turned over and set the picture back on the table, tear drops falling on his pillow.

Then, an idea flickered in his head. He snapped his eyes open. "Crane." Bruce said to himself. Crane would shirley oblige to helping Bruce find Jack. Ever since Crane had poisoned the Narrows, Bruce had visited him regularly. After the Narrows incident, Bruce was forced to visit Arkham Asylum and check up on the patients. He had taken a weird liking to Dr. Jonathan Crane, though Batman despised him, knowing Crane only as Scarecrow.

Bruce grabbed his jacket and slipped on some shoes. Before he knew it, Bruce was flooring it to Arkham Asylum. When the horrible building came into view, he cursed himself for letting people live in _that _monstrosity of a place. He grabbed the first parking space he could, not caring if it was reserved for some Dr. Harleen Quinzel.

It was easy getting access to Jonathan's room, Bruce payed off a couple guards, but having to now get past the orderlies. "Hello, how may I help you?" The orderly with the name tag Cindy Brook, asked. "Hi, Cindy, I'm Bruce. I was wondering if you could give me access to Dr. Jonathan Crane's room?" He asked, putting on that charming playboy smile. She frowned. "I'm sorry, Mr. uh...Bruce, but people are only aloud to see patients at visiting hours." She gave him a glare. Bruce never dropping his smile. "No, no, you don't understand, I'm Bruce _Wayne_. And, I have an _appointment _with Dr. Crane." Cindy gave him another glare, but took out the card to Crane's cell.

She slid the card in the slot. "Ten minutes, Mr. Wayne." She warned him, closing the door behind him. Crane looked up at him, from a book he was reading. He smiled. "Bruce, this is a pleasant surprise. What brings you my, uh, humble abode, this fine evening?" He asked, then let out a insane laugh. Crane still did have some hysteria from when Batman poisoned him with his own drug. Bruce still felt guilty.

Crane stopped laughing when he saw Bruce was serious, and in pain. Crane patted the bed next to him, motioning for Bruce to sit. Crane slung an arm around Bruce. Finally not in that horrid straitjacket anymore "What has my best friend so troubled?" Crane asked. Bruce let out a soft breath. "It's Joker. I need to find Joker." Bruce said, trying to hold back tears. "How can I help?" Crane asked, putting his other hand on Bruce's cheek, in a comforting way. "Jonathan, I need you help me find him." Bruce stated.

"Well, thats all fine and dandy, but it you didn't noticed, I'm sorta' locked up." Crane said, his breath tickling Bruce's ear. Bruce turned to face Crane, their faces inches apart. "I'm breaking you out." I stated, matter-of-factly. Crane laughed, not in hysteria, in amusement. "How you plan on that, hmmm?" Crane asked.

"They didn't even search me." Bruce said, pulling out a tool from his pocket, one of the many from Batman's belt. A heat generated laser, it burn's anything it comes into contact with. Bruce walked over the the window, barricaded with jail bars, and seared it right of the cill. He turned to face a wide eyed Crane. "Ready?" He asked. Crane just nodded. Bruce held onto Crane's waist, as they jumped from the two story window. Bruce knew if he landed wrong, he could get hurt, but he made it.

He and Crane ran to Bruce's sports car. And that's were their journey began.


	2. Detours' to Detroit

Disclaimer: I own no Batman characters, they belong to DC comics, Bob Kane, and some cases Chris Nolan.

Enjoy!

Bruce knew it would not be wise going back to the mansion. Since he told Cindy, the orderly at Arkham, who he was, and the fact that you had to go 2,000 miles to meet someone didn't know Bruce Wayne.

Bruce and Crane drove for awhile, both victim to an awkward silence. Until Crane broke the dead air. "So, uh, why do you need to find the Joker?" He asked. *Shit!* Bruce thought. He never told Crane. In their many heated discussions, he guessed not. "I never told you?" Bruce asked, Crane shook his head.

"Jonathan, I choose you to help me with this trip because I confine in very few people. You being one. So, as a person I can confine in, I am asking you, can you keep a secret?" Bruce put on his business man voice, direct, strait to the point. Jonathan thought for a moment, he never knew Bruce had felt that way. "Yes, Bruce, I can keep a secret. You can trust me."

"Okay. After the Joker caused mass chaos, after you caused mass panic, I took a interest in him. Almost a test subject, if you will. After the Batman caught him and threw him in Arkham, I visited him, much like I did you. I really took a liking to him. After a few visits I broke him out, but I didn't break him out myself. After that, he came to live with me. Do you get what I'm saying?" Bruce had never planned on telling Crane about him being Batman, nor about him and the Joker.

"Oh, you and Joker were fuck buddies, I get it." Crane laughed to himself. "Thats not all...." Bruce cut Crane's sniggering short. "What, now your going to tell me your the 'Batman', right?" Crane laughed again. Bruce fell silent. Crane stopped laughing. Crane adjusted his glasses, trying not to flip out, he hated the Batman. "Bruce, why aren't you laughing, I was joking." Is all he asked. Bruce pulled over, they were on some deserted country road, not in range of Gotham's police anymore.

"Can you trust me?" Bruce asked. "I don't know, can I, Bruce? If your telling me what I think your telling me, I don't think I can." Crane looked out the window, trying not to cry. He was terrified of the Batman. And he really liked Bruce, _really_. So the fact that he kinda' had a boyfriend didn't float Crane's boat, either.

Bruce slid closer to him on the seat, putting a hand on Crane's face, forcing Crane to look at him. Bruce held Crane's face in both his hands now. Jonathan couldn't help but close his eyes and remember a moment like this, for it might never come again. Than Bruce did something Jonathan would treasure forever in his memory. Bruce kissed him, a reassuring, loving, warm, kiss. Bruce pulled away and whispered on Jonathan's lips. "I'm never going to hurt you again."

Bruce slid back to the driver's seat, and started driving again.

Crane knew that moment would never happen again, so he would cherish for all he was worth. But, maybe it would, there was no telling with Bruce Wayne.

*Normal is probably not even in his vocabulary.* Crane thought, closing his eyes and going to sleep. His lips still warm from the kiss.

____________

Bruce and Crane really had no idea were to start the search for the Joker. Bruce figured it was best to start in the Joker's home town, Detroit Michigan. The Joker had talked about it like it was heaven on Earth, Bruce remembered. Jack always got that glaze over his eyes when he told story's of his childhood. Like he was actually going back in time and re-living the great memories.

When the sun began to peak over the hills, Bruce decided to stop for breakfast. He gave Crane some sunglasses. Because, anyone could remember those piercing blue eyes, they were unmistakable.

Bruce changed from his business suit, to some hot pink skinny jeans and a Bring Me The Horizon sweatshirt. He didn't want to be recognized. He also gave Crane blue skinny jeans and a My Chemical Romance sweatshirt. Anyone could recognize the ugly orange color of the Arkham Asylum jump suits.

They walked into a little diner for their early meal, looking like just two normal friends out for a 'date'. The waitress that served them seemed to take a liking to Crane, she would giggle every time he fumbled with the sugar for his ice tea, she ended up slipping her phone number into the bill holder. Along with a note. 'Hey sugar, I'm Tammy. I'd love to see those sweet cheeks again some time. My number is 555-2722. Call me!'

Crane didn't have the nerve to say something, so instead, when they were leaving, Crane grabbed onto Bruce's hand. Silently letting Tammy know he wasn't interested.

They finally got onto a road that seemed to have signs of life on it. And they finally found the first sign leading them to Detroit. It read _Detroit Michigan Exit 55_. To bad they were on Exit 120, it was going to be awhile.

"What kind of music do you like?" Bruce asked. Crane snorted. "Not this depressing emo crap." He gestured to the sweatshirt he was wearing. "Excuse me!?? My Chemical Romance is not emo!" He was about to rip Crane's head off.

"Okay, I'm sorry Jesus! I haven't listen to music in awhile, but I remember a band I really liked was 'Placebo'." Bruce smiled and pulled out the band's latest CD, from a compartment in his car.

They listened to the CD until they got into Detroit, Crane singing along to most of the songs. "Were do we go from here, Bruce? Detroit is a big city." Crane looked at his companion. Bruce thought for a moment. "There is a bar, Joker did mention he went to as a teenager, it might still be running. It's called 'Jokesters'." Bruce said.

"Bruce, thats all fine and great, but, like I said, Detroit is a big city, were do we find this place?" Crane asked. Bruce smiled, because as they were driving a big sign came into view. A billboard reading '_Come over to the dark side, we have liquor. Jokesters 152 Raddler Road' _

"I guess we find it at 152 Raddler Road." Bruce said, making a sharp turn onto said road. They drove a few minutes, looking for this bar. Then another sign came into view. In purple and green lettering read 'Jokesters' on a big sign. Bruce and Crane found a parking space and strolled into the bar. They went up to the bar and sat down.

"How may I help ya'?" A big burly man, with a tooth pick in his mouth, asked. Bruce pulled out a picture of Jack, wearing his clown make up. "Have you seen this man?" Bruce asked. The bar tender put down the glass he was washing, and squinted at the picture. "Uhh, yea, he was here. A few day's ago. With anotha' man. I remember this other guy he was with, was wearing a green shirt with a big, yellow, question mark in the middle. The guy your lookin' for had a purple shirt on with a green joker card on it." The bar tender explained. Bruce narrowed his eyes.

"This other man, we was wearing question marks?" Bruce asked.

"Yea, now that you mention it, he was wearing a lot of 'em." The man resumed washing his glass. Crane tugged on Bruce's shirt. "Who is the other guy, Bruce?" Crane asked. Bruce layered his tone with venom, and said.

"The Riddler, Joker's ex-boyfriend."


	3. Velcro for Scarecrow

Disclaimer: I own no Batman characters, they belong to DC comics, Bob Kane, and in some cases Chris Nolan.

I'm glad your all enjoying it. It's a fun story to write. Now, here we go!

_________

Bruce stalked back to the car, Crane struggling to keep up. "Bruce, who is The Riddler!?" Crane asked for the hundredth time. Bruce was keeping silent, hate radiating off him. Bruce just started to talk to himself. "When I find that basted, I'm going to shove a question mark up his ass, then give him a riddle he'll never forget." Bruce shoved Crane into the car, ignoring his question, again.

Bruce got in the drivers seat, and started to go west, were the bartender said Joker was headed. Crane crossed his arms in frustration. There was only one way to get Bruce's attention. He did something very un-Crane like, he ordered Bruce around. "Stop the car." He said. Bruce stopped mumbling. "What?" He asked. Crane turned to him. "I said, stop the car. Stop it, now." Crane was thinking about telling Bruce to forget it, but he didn't.

"Is that an order?" Bruce asked, slowing down a little. Crane hesitated. "Yes. Yes, it is." Crane waited to get a bitch slap, or something. But he found that Bruce pulled over. "Now what is so important?" Bruce asked. "Who the hell is The Riddler?!" Crane yelled.

Bruce winced, he didn't know the younger man could yell so loud. "I told you, the Joker's ex-boyfriend." He said. "Details?" Crane asked. "Well, all I know is that he and the Joker grew up as childhood friends, then when they got into high school, they both found out that they we not....like the other guys."

"How so?" Asked Crane. Bruce huffed.

"Well, they had wet dreams, like every other teenage boy, but their dreams were about each other. Then one day they...tried some things...together. And they liked, and sorta' became an item. But in senior year of high school, Joker's family moved to East Town, a city outside of Gotham. He told me that they lost touch."

Crane still had another question. "Why is he called the Riddler?" Bruce turned the car back on and resumed driving.

"Joker told me that after he left, the Riddler went crazy and left Detroit, and killed a lot of people in the process of trying to find the Joker. He would leave Riddles on the corpses, Joker told me one once. It was something along the lines of. 'Riddle me that riddle me this: Were can I find the one I miss?' It was like he was writing love letters in the form of riddles. He killed tons of people looking for the guy who killed tons of people looking for me."

Bruce let the last line fall to a whisper, he truly missed the Joker. Crane didn't want to be jealous, but he still found himself wearing green eyes. He slid over on the seat and wrapped his arms around his friend. "Its okay, if you know he really loves you, it will be okay." Bruce smiled at Crane's words. "I hope to god your right. I don't know how I would go on without him. He made the pain go away. Life as Bruce Wayne was like a cut and the Joker was my Band-Aid." He explained. Crane slid back over to his side of the car. "In all seriousness Bruce, you have no idea how emo you just sounded." Crane put his hand over his forehead, mock sadness. "My life was so black, so depressing, like a tiny cut, until he came along as my Band-Aid! Oh, the horror!" Crane mocked, laughing to himself, that hint of hysteria prominent. But, Bruce couldn't help but laugh along with him.

As the pair drove, they stopped at numerous bars, asking if anyone had seen any sign of the jester and his 'buddy'. All of the bar tenders said they had not seen the pair. Until they came to a bar some were in Ohio. It was pushing midnight, and the men were tired, this was to be their last stop before they found a motel.

Bruce held up a picture of Joker. "Have you seen any sign of this man?" He asked for the tenth lime that day. "Uhhh, yea, actually he came in here a few hours ago. With another man, said they were headed for South Philly," The lady said. "Let me guess, the other man was wearing a lot of question marks?" Bruce asked.

"Yea, he was, even had a question mark scar on his neck." She said. That, Bruce didn't know, scars, scars, _scars_.... Bruce quickly grabbed the picture back and thanking the women, and rushing out of the bar, Crane in tow.

"What is it, Bruce?" The younger man asked. "Well, if we find a hotel room and get a early start in the morning we may be able to beat them to Philadelphia." Bruce jammed the key in the ignition and pealed out of the parking-lot like a bat out of hell(no pun intended). Crane was still confused at what the rush was about, but he wasn't about to argue with 'the Bat-Man', so he just pressed his forehead against the cool window and looked outside.

"Jonathan, we got a hotel room, get up." Bruce shook his companion awake when they got to the hotel. "Yea, yea, I'm up." Crane and Bruce walked into the hotel, The Hilton, and took the elevator to room 122.

Crane fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow, Bruce laying awake in his separate bed. He soon fell asleep, only to be plagued with nightmares. He woke up in a cold sweat. He groped around looking for Jack, but then he remembered... So he got out of bed and walked to Crane's. "Jonathan, Johnny, wake up." He shook his friend. Crane turned to face him, sitting up.

"What's the matter, Bruce?" He thought his friend looked like a five year old who just had a nightmare. "Can I, uh, sleep in your bed, I had a nightmare." Crane scooted over. "Of coarse you can." Bruce climbed in a buckled himself to Crane's side. _Velcro for Scarecrow. _Crane laid back down and attempted to go to sleep.

But then was aware of a bulge pocking at the base of his thigh. *What is that?* Crane nervously asked himself. Then he heard Bruce layer his voice in lust, and maybe lunacy. "Ya' know, _Doctor _Crane, I'm feeling a bit under the weather, I was wondering if you could cure my symptoms?" Without warning, Bruce flipped Crane onto his back and attached his mouth with his own. Crane struggled to bite back a moan, this was _wrong_. *But it feels so _right_.* Crane thought.

Bruce slid a hand up Crane's shirt, pinching one of Crane's nipple. Crane bucked his hip and couldn't hold back his moan. In turn, Bruce moaned back. Then Crane broke the kiss. "Bruce, you don't want to do this." He said. Bruce just smiled, devil like. He put his lips to Crane's ear. "Oh, Johnny, but I _do_."

Crane couldn't argue with that. After that all the cloths were off and the bed's head board was banging into the wall. Disturbing the people in the next room

_Bob and Mary Forks room 121_

"Bob, Bob, sweetheart wake up." Mary shook her husband awake. "What is it, Mary?" Bob said, sleep clogged. Mary giggled. "There was a banging on the wall, sounded awfully like a bed. It just reminded me of that night when we first snuck out of our parents. And we shacked up in a hotel room, the bed head board hitting the wall. I just wanted to remind you of good times." Bob smiled. "Those were good times, you want to reenact them?" Bob put on a coy smile. Mary giggled again.

________Bruce and Crane, the next morning.

Bruce and Jonathan said nothing about what happened the night before, but still prying the awkward silence to end. As they checked out and got into the car, the tension rose so much you could cut it with a knife. Crane being the first to cut dead air again. "We should talk about last night."

Bruce sighed. "I suppose we should." 


	4. The Crow and The Bat

Disclaimer: I own no Batman characters. They belong to DC comics, Bob Kane, and in some cases Chris Nolan.

This is a heart breaking chapter, well, to me it is. *sigh* Why can't Bruce love Crane?

Oh! I've said to much!. Now! On with the show! Enjoy!

______________

"Look, I'm sorry I took advantage of you, Bruce." Crane said. Bruce looked at him out of the corner of his eye, driving down a city road. "Thats your _excuse_?" Bruce asked. Crane fumbled with his hands. "Well, yea. I guess." Bruce smiled, then pulled the car over. By this rate, they were never going to get to Philadelphia.

He turned to Crane. "No, you don't need an excuse. Your amazing, Jonathan Crane, and I wouldn't trade you for the world." Bruce scooted over and put his arms around the Doctor. Then he kissed Crane, tangling his fingers in Crane's mud brown hair. Jonathan returned the gesture and tangled his fingers in Bruce's black locks. Crane gave a soft moan, followed by attempted speech. "W-what about J-Joke-mmmm." Bruce silenced him by sliding his cold fingers up inside Crane's shirt and sweatshirt. *No, no, no. I can't let him do this to Joker.* Crane thought, when pushed Bruce back. Crane inhaled. "No, Bruce. You committed yourself to the Joker. And I refuse to be a footnote to your break-up." Crane put on his 'I'm the Yale graduate, you listen to me' voice.

Bruce frowned, but turned the car back on and started to drive. _Awkward silence_... After another hour, Bruce finally spoke up. "He's been gone for so long. I forgot the feeling of someone's skin against mine. I forgot the pure pleasure of someone sharing that feeling of ecstasy with me. You are the closet friend I have, Jonathan Crane, I love you."

Jonathan could feel his blue eye well up in tears. The one person he loved, finally confessed that he felt the same way. No, Johnny boy spoke to soon. "But..." Bruce continued.

"...Joker, he is my love, he is my other half. He loves me with all of his shattered heart, and I love him with all my black heart. I won't tell you I love you like anything more than a friend, because I don't. I see you as a brother, nothing more. I'm sorry for what happened last night and early this morning. I'm sorry, Jonathan, can you forgive me?" He looked over at his friend. Crane was flat out sobbing. "I-I'm sorry Bruce! I...I'm sorry. Yes, yes, I accept your apology." Crane said, through broken sobs.

Bruce frowned, he hated seeing his best friend in pain. "Jonathan, I..." Crane cut him off. "No, no. This is what you wanted, what I wanted for you. I understand you need Joker. B-but, why can't you need me the same way?" Crane just wanted Bruce's devotion, and not the kind he was offering early.

"Jack made me realize things, he made me think about things. I could be my self with him, sometimes we would just spend nights looking at each other. He would even sing to me, he was so gentle. The Joker and Jack are two different people, people need to understand that. I love him, nothing can change that." Bruce explained.

Crane felt as if someone ripped his, already torn heart, out and stomped on it. The one person who he desired caused him pain. Desire causes suffering... Bruce loved him, but not the way Crane wanted him to. Though Jonathan understood Bruce and Jack's love. but than, in the back of his mind, was the tormenting voice of the Scarecrow. *Johnny boy... Ravish him, make him feel the pleasure and the fear you feel for him.* Scarecrow taunted.

"I understand Bruce. I love you, and I always will. But I understand, and I won't stand in your way, I promise." Crane reached for Bruce's hand, he found it and intertwined their fingers. Crane's long skinny ones, and Bruce's muscular ones.

_The Crow and The Bat_.

"I love you too, Johnny." Bruce smiled. Crane smiled back.

__________

It did not take that long to get to Philadelphia, not making many pit stops. Except for when Crane said he better get to a bathroom or he was going to piss his pants. Bruce told him to invest in a water bottle, Crane told shut the fuck up, he was not using a 'old, nasty, germ infested' bottle to use the facilities with.

But the whole unnecessary tension was broken a few hours before they hit Philly. Bruce put in Placebo again and they started to rock out to the song 'Post Blue'. Crane singing at the top of his lungs, having an amazing soprano voice. _"It's in the pills that pick you up. It's in the water, baby. It's in the special way we fuck!" _

Bruce started to drum on the steering wheel. The CD was over by the time they entered South Philly. They drove around, trying to think of the first place to look. "Well, if they came back here, that must mean the Riddler has some connections here. There is a phone both a few miles back, we could look him up. You know his real name, right?" Crane asked. "Yea, Edward Nygma."

"Well, there ya' go, lets rock this city." Crane said. Bruce laughed and turned around, driving to the phone booth. Crane spotted it, graffiti and all. Bruce pulled the car over to the curb. _I'm not a monster, I'm just ahead of the curb...._ He remembered the Jokers word from oh so long ago.

Crane and Bruce squeezed into the phone booth together. Bruce started to scan the "N's". "Nygla, Nygle, Nyglo, Nygma! Here we go. Edward Nygma lives at 74 West Street." Bruce read. *Wait...*

"What street are we on right now?" Crane asked. They left the phone booth. Bruce squinted to see the sign. "We are...on West Street, ah that wasn't so hard." Bruce laughed and turned to Crane. "Bruce, look." Crane turned Bruce around, and smack dab behind them was number 74.

"No, that wasn't hard at all." Crane said, smirking. "You think we should go in, knock? Or something?" As soon as Bruce said that, the door of 74 West Street opened up and stood a tall, thin, man with brown hair that was sticking out in every direction. He had a few freckles, and was strangely handsome. He also had a pronounced limp. He was wearing a green shirt with a _purple _question mark.

The man looked at Bruce and Crane. "Uhh, may I help you?" He asked. Bruce stiffened and put on the 'Batman' face. No emotion. He layered his tone in ice.

"As a matter of fact, you can."

_________

A/N: Oh. My. God! The suspense is deafening, isn't it?


	5. Surprises In All Genders

Disclaimer: I own no Batman characters. They belong to DC comics, Bob Kane, and in some cases Chris Nolan.

Okay, so I was having a lot of trouble coming up with a big surprise for Bruce when he found the Joker. This is what I came up with, please tell me if I should take it out. Because I can totally re-write this if people think I should.

Caution: MPREG, Slash, and big surprises.

You have been warned. Turn back now if you are gunna end up a flamer. Thanks!

Well, on with this show.

____________

"And what exactly can I help you with?" Edward Nygma, better known as the Riddler, said. Putting his hands on his hips, giving Bruce and Crane a death stare. Bruce walked up to Edward, almost up in his face.

"Where is he?" Bruce demanded. Crane grabbed Bruce's elbow. "Bruce, maybe we should go." Crane tried to convince him. "No, no, Johnny, we should stay." Bruce only called Crane 'Johnny' when he was either

1. Aroused

2. Pissed off, or

3. In deep thought.

Crane had no idea which one of those this voice was. "Who are you talking about?" Edward asked Bruce, though Edward knew full well who he was talking about. "Bitch, you know who I'm talking about. Where is he, where is my love!" Bruce then attacked Edward. Throwing punches at that freckled face. Crane tried desperately to get Bruce of Edward. But Crane's tiny frame couldn't stand a chance with Bruce's built one.

"What the fuck, man!" Edward yelled, then threw a good punch to Bruce's jawline. Bruce stumbled back, clutching his jaw. That skinny man had a good punch to him. Crane caught Bruce so he didn't fall down and crack his head open. Bruce mouthed a 'thanks' to Crane. Crane nodded.

"Tell me, Nygma, were the fuck is my boyfriend?" Bruce asked. "Busy." Was Edward's only reply. By this time they were in the doorway of Edward's house. "Ding, ding, ding! Your out of time and I'm sorry, thats not the answer we were looking for. Now, I'm going to ask this once, and try to get it threw that think skull of yours. Were is my boyfriend!?" Bruce said the last phrase threw clenched teeth.

"We really, _really, _cant see anyone at the moment. He's feeling a little under the weather. Detached if you will." Edward explained.

"Well, you see, Edward, my friend here is a doctor. He could take a look at MY boyfriend and attempt to diagnose him." Bruce gestured to Crane. "No, no, you don't get it. We don't need a diagnosis, we know full well what's wrong with him." Edward dropped his gaze to the floor. "Tell me! What wrong with my boyfriend!" Bruce shoved Edward against the wall. Edward gave a laugh of insanity.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you. The doctors don't believe and refuse to treat him. And you won't believe and refuse to love him. He. Only. Has. _Me_!" Edward talked almost exactly like the Joker did. Crane, by this time, was very confused and just found best to keep his yap shut.

"Try me." Bruce put a knee in between Edward's legs, so he couldn't move. Edward looked to the side, then back to Bruce. "The Joker is-" A shrill cry, from inside the house, cut Edward off. Edward wiggled in Bruce's grip. "Let me down, you big fool. Jack needs our help." Edward told Bruce, who dropped Edward. Then him and Crane followed Edward to the upstairs of the house. In a big bedroom, laying in a king-sized bed, was the Joker. He was under some silk sheets, he was covered in sweat, and tossing and turning. Bruce didn't notice, but Crane did, it had appeared that the Joker had gained a few pounds. Significantly in the tummy area.

"What's he doing?" Bruce asked frantically, as Edward gathered the Joker's quivering, asleep, form in his arms. "Fool, he's having a nightmare. He gets them a lot." Edward pet the Joker's hair down, lulling the Joker back into a good sleep. Then Bruce noticed the bump in the Joker's stomach area.

"Why is he so...fat?" Bruce asked, eyeing the Joker's swollen belly. "Fool, I was trying to tell you. Your 'love' is pregnant, knocked up, he's got a bun in the oven, he's with child." Edward waited for Bruce's reaction. But Bruce only thought of one thing. "How?" Edward put the Joker's head back into the pillow, and got up.

"We don't know. He came to me a few weeks ago, telling me he took a few pregnancy tests and they came out positive. So, I took him to a specialist, and sure enough, he was. They told us that miraculously his body formed an egg somehow. And the rest of his body had complied and made a uterus, and all the other necessary parts, except for the external organs. So, no he does not look like a girl. Lucky for you. The doctors refuse to treat him regularly, thinking he's some sort of freak of nature. You want my opinion? It's magic."

Bruce thought of another question. "Who's the father?" Edward smiled. "According to him, apparently, its you." Bruce stumbled back, Crane caught him again. Bruce's entail reaction. "Wow." He was going to be a father, a daddy. There was going to be a little Bruce or Martha Wayne running around. But then, to Edward's relief, Bruce smiled. Not a smile filled with hysteria, but one filled with joy. But then he remembered. "Why did he run away?"

"Well, he was afraid you wouldn't love him anymore. So he paid off a couple corrupt cops to have them set up a murder. But they forgot the cut the smile and used lipstick and not blood, as the Joker ordered. Fools, couldn't even get a simple thing right." Edward muttered the last line to himself.

"Why does he get those sweat slicking nightmares?" Bruce wondered. "Well, he refuses to tell me, but he keeps saying a name in his sleep. Have either of you heard of a 'Bat-Man'?" Edward looked at Crane, who was nervously biting his fingernails, and then to Bruce. Bruce played coy. "No, I don't have a clue."

"Well, he say's that a lot. But he also says 'Bruce'. And he says phrases sometimes, but I never catch them."

"Can you wake him up, I want him to know I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere." Edward shrugged.

"Sure, but I can't promise you a pleasant reaction." Edward quietly shook the Joker. "Jack, Jack, you have some friends here to see you?" The Joker stirred, and asked without opening his eye. "Who?"

"Bruce, it's Bruce Wayne." Edward whispered to the Joker. Jack snapped his eyes open, and landed them on Bruce, who was smiling. "Hey, baby." Bruce purred and sat down on the bed, stroking the Joker's leg through the sheets. "Did you tell him what's wrong with me?" Jack asked Edward.

"Yes, I know, and I'm so proud, and happy." Bruce said, before Edward could. Jack looked at him skeptically. "You don't think I'm some sort of freak?" Jack asked. "No, the only negative thought I have is, well damn! You could have waited a few years. Your only 28, got your whole life ahead of you."

"Well, I didn't exactly wish this upon myself, you know. And, I'm in immense danger, since I refuse to abort the pregnancy." Jack complained. Bruce laughed and leaned forward and kissed his harlequin boy. Loving the way that scarred mouth felt against his again. He pulled back. "I missed you." He whispered on Jack's lips. Jack smiled.

"I missed you too."

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A/N: Like, dislike? Also, this was inspired by the pregnant man who was voted one of the stupidest occurrences in 2008. According to the MAD magazine issue. "Why So Stupid?"


	6. Chelsea Smile

Disclaimer: I own no Batman characters. They belong to DC comics, Bob Kane, and in some cases Chris Nolan.

A/N: This chapter was inspired by Bring Me The Horizons song 'Chelsea Smile'. The lead singer is obviously hiding some sort of secret. Which he can't sleep at night because of this secret, and it plagues him so he regrets whatever he has done. The lead singer, Oliver Sykes, has said he is actually hiding a secret, which only a few choice people know about. The reason this chapter is inspired by the song is because of the Joker's night terrors, you will find out he gets in this chapter

Also, look at the name of the song. 'Chelsea Smile', it screams 'Joker'!

There will be sexual scenes in this chapter. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Now on with this show.

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"Were going to take this, head on. I know our love is strong enough, sweetheart." Bruce said, running his hands threw the Joker's hair. They were laying in bed, the night Bruce had found the Joker. Crane was sleeping downstairs on Edward's pull out bed. Edward in his own room.

"I hope so, by all means though, this whole pregnancy is not going to make me a softy. By all means, I'm still the hardcore, mass murdering, psychopathic, clown I've always been." Joker smiled and looked up at Bruce. "Of coarse not, I wouldn't dream of it, love." Bruce looked down at his love and kissed him. Then Jack positioned himself so he was laying on top of Bruce now, lucky his belly wasn't to big. Jack slid his tongue along Bruce's bottom lip, Bruce moaned and allowed Jack to slip his tongue in. Jack fumbled with Bruce's skinny jeans zipper, but when allowed access to his lover's cock moaned into his mouth.

"I missed this. Missed you." Jack said threw sloppy kisses, while jacking Bruce off. Bruce just nodded his head in agreement. But then threw his head against the head board when Jack stopped. "Mmmm, why did you stop?" He asked.

"Oh, Bats, we're just entering the fun house. There are much more twists and turns to endure." Jack wriggled one of his eye brows. Bruce really did miss Jack's kinkiness, Crane was nice; but he was just empty sex. Which Bruce had no intension of telling Jack about.

Bruce was brought back down to earth by Jack's hot mouth in between his legs. The next hour was just a big blur of hot, white flashes. After they were done, both men fell asleep almost as soon as there heads it the pillows. Bruce slept peacefully, knowing Jack was right besides him. But, Jack, not so much. He was plagued by his regular night terrors. But this one was much more terrifying, it was so real.

_Jack was standing in the middle of a wedding aisle, watching a beautiful wedding. No one could see him, as all the attention was focused on the grooms at the alter. Yes, grooms, two of them. Jack took a look closer, and realized one of the grooms was him. The funny thing was Jack didn't have his scars, or his green hair. His hair was slicked back, the blonde curls flowing close to his shoulders. The other groom, he noticed, was Bruce. _

_The best man for Jack was Edward, and the best man for Bruce was Crane. Jack smiled at the sight of him and Bruce, they looked so happy. As all their friends and families were crying watching their boys get married. Especially Alfred, we was flat out bawling. Finally the priest said- "You may now kiss the groom." He closed his book. But all of a sudden, Bruce put his hand in Jacks face and turned around, pulling Crane, by the tie, into a kiss. Both Jacks looked in horror. Then music started to blare from out of no were. The lyrics were foreign to Jack. "I've got a secret, its on the tip of my tongue, its on the back of my lungs. And I'm gunna keep it, I know something you don't know."_

_Green haired Jack fell to his knees, and groom Jack mirrored him. Then groom Jack scratched at his face, the scars re-apearing as the song hit the lines. "I may look happy, but honestly dear, the only way I'll really smile, is if you cut me ear to ear." _

_And with that, groom Jack started bleeding, while Bruce was making out with Crane. Green haired Jack started to cry, and shake on the aisle floor. Then he noticed his pants were stained with blood, had his baby...died?!_

Jack woke up to someone screaming his name. He snapped his watery eyes open to see Crane. Were was Jack. "Were am I?" he asked Crane. Crane looked at him. "You sleep walked into the kitchen, down here, from your room. And I woke up to you screaming." Crane looked at Jack. "What was I screaming?" Jack asked.

"'My baby! My baby!'" Crane said. Then Jack remembered. He narrowed his eyes. "Jonathan, I have a question to ask you." He said, level, to Crane. "Yes?" Crane looked at him as if he had two heads.

"Its about you and Bruce."

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A/N: Sorry its so short. The suspense makes it worth it.


	7. Running Up That Hill

Disclaimer: I own no Batman characters. They belong to DC comics, Bob Kane, and in some cases Chris Nolan.

Everyone feels so bad for Crane. You should, especially in this chapter. ENJOY!

Inspired by Placebo's song Running Up That Hill.

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"Me and Bruce?" Crane played dumb, as he helped the Joker onto the makeshift bed he was occupying. The Joker clutched his belly and sat down. "Yea, how long were you and Bruce on the road looking for me?" Joker asked. Crane shifted uncomfortably.

"About three days, give or take. Why?" Crane answered. Joker nodded his head. "And during those three days, did anything go on between you and him?" Joker raised an eyebrow, waiting for Crane to answer. "Do you think something happened?" Crane really did not want this to happen. The way it was suppose to happen: Batman and Joker live happily ever after. There is no Scarecrow in that mix.

"Well, your sweating like a pig, Crow. Considering your as jumpy as a cat, I'm going to take that as a yes-" Joker was cut off.

"One time! Joker, I swear. I meant nothing to him, he even told me his 'black heart' belonged to you. He will never love me!" Crane started sobbing uncontrollably. Joker sighed contently. "Ok, Crane. It's okay, shhh." Joker rubbed Crane's back. Oh, was Bruce going to get it. If Joker didn't end up shoving a knife in Bruce's belly, he'd certainly have a few choice words with him.

"Johnny, how about we act like, uh, 'civilized' people and go talk to Bruce. Wouldn't that make the guilt subside a bit?" Joker suggested to Crane. Jonathan muffled a 'yes', and walked upstairs with the Joker. When they got to the room, Jack lost all found composure.

"Bruce fucking Wayne! Get your ass up right now!" Joker yelled. Bruce practically flew out of bed, thumping on the floor. "What's the problem?" Bruce asked, rubbing his eyes. "Well, it's just come to knowledge that you and, uh, Johnny here, fucked around a little bit! Am I right?!" Joker screamed, grabbing Bruce by the shirt and pinning him against the wall. Though he was pregnant, Joker was not a nancy boy, he would die before he would be a pussy.

"Well....shit." Bruce looked at Crane, behind the Joker. Crane was still crying, fuck self control. When Crane was sad, we was going to cry. He decided. Crane looked at him through tear stained eyes. Mouthing 'I'm sorry', and turning his head away.

"Jack, I swear. It was only a one-shot thing, it was my fault. I'm sorry." Bruce looked at the Joker, expecting him to soften, he didn't. "Look, don't go all 'Brokeback Mountain' on me, please. Save that shit for Crane.-" Joker softened a bit "-Just tell me something, Bruce, what did it mean to you?" Bruce really could not convey, in plain words, how much Crane did not mean to him, compared to Jack. So he did what Jack loved best; Bruce sang.

_"You don't want to hurt me, but see how deep the bullet lies. Unaware that I'm tearing you asunder. There's a thunder in our hearts, baby. Some much hate for the ones we love. Tell me we both matter, don't we?" _Bruce looked at the Joker for some sign of emotion. Anger? Love? Forgiveness? But what Bruce found was exactly what he was looking for. Understanding. Joker looked at Bruce, searching him as well, but he was searching for truth. Was Bruce being truthful. Yes.

"I'm so sorry, Jack." Bruce said. Jack smiled. "Nothing?" Jack asked. "Nothing, Jack. It meant nothing." Joker then kissed Bruce. Not a needy kiss, but a 'I'm hear, I love you' kiss. Bruce wrapped his arms around the Jokers neck, while Jack wrapped his arms around Bruce's waist. They broke apart.

"I love you, angel." Bruce said. Jack whispered back. "I love you too, darling."

Crane looked at the men like they were scum. But he teared up as the thought of defeat cleared his fogged brain. He was truly alone. He would never have anyone to love like Jack had Bruce. He was truly, utterly, alone.

Crane dashed back downstairs and into the small bathroom near Edward's room. He threw up repeatedly in the toilet, not caring if he woke Edward. Which, in fact, he did. Edward came limping out of his room, knocking on the bathroom door. "Hello, is everything alright in there?" He asked as he heard someone dry heaving their dinner up in his toilet. "Come in, please." A weak voice pleaded him. Edward opened the door to find a very pitiful sight indeed.

Laying on the floor was Crane, his face sweaty and his eyes freshly stained with tears. "Crane!? Holy shit! What happened ta' you?" Edward limped over to Crane and attempted to sit him on the toilet. "Are you okay?"

Crane finally found his voice. "No, it hurts. It hurts so bad..." Crane said, spacing out. Edward rubbed Crane's knee. "What hurts, darlin'?" He asked. Crane turned to Edward, his blue eyes boring holes into Edward's light green ones. And Crane said in a heart breaking tone

"The heartache."

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A/N: Omg! I almost made myself cry. I need to stop abusing Crane's heart! 


	8. Big Bang Theory

Disclaimer: I own no Batman characters. They belong to DC comics, Bob Kane, and in some cases, Chris Nolan.

A/N: Okay, so I was thinking of who you should picture the Riddler as. Please, don't picture him as Jim Carry, he is not who I thought of when I was writing the Riddler. I finally figured out, I was picturing an actor by the name of Casey Affleck.

Anyway, things are looking up for our dear Jonathan Crane. Maybe Mr. Nygma has a surprise in store for cute little Dr. Crane. Read and find out! Enjoy!

This chapter is inspired by Cillian Murphy's song 'So New'.

Sorry it took so long, I just got back from Canada with my French class. :]

Anyway, on with this show!

__________________

As Jack and Bruce were peacefully asleep in their room. Crane and Edward were not. Crane was explaining why his heart ached so much. Edward sympathized, he loved Jack so much, but never could grasp his shattered heart. Edward made him and Crane some hot chocolate, and they sat on Edward's bed, talking.

"So, how did you get your start as a doctor?" Edward asked Crane. Jonathan sipped his drink and began.

"When I was little I loved to help my Mother with her depression. My Father was unfaithful most of the time, and it impacted her so much. She got into the habit of cutting herself. So I acted as her son and therapist. When I thought she was just starting to fully recover, my Father divorced her. And one day, when I came home from school, she was lying in our living room, face down, bullet in her head. She killed her self because of my Father. After that I dedicated my life to helping others. And I was told I was good at it, and I was not good at many things, so finding talent for myself was no small feet."

Crane explained. He looked at Edward who was looking at him, wide eyed, mouth gaping. Crane smiled at him. "What?" He asked sheepishly. Edward smiled and laughed. "Man, that's some kind of tragic, JC, how did you cope?" Edward asked. Crane smiled at his new nickname.

"Well, I just kept thinking that my Mom would want the best for me. That she didn't want me to sit around and cry about her all the time, so I didn't. Until I met Ra's al Ghul. He made me face the fear of death, I had built over the years. He lead me to believe Gotham was a melting pot for the differently corrupt. That, there was no saving Gotham, but there is hope, he just couldn't see it." Crane looked at the floor, and sipped his drink.

Crane had previously explained his relationship with Ra's, to Edward. Crane then looked at Edward. "So how did you become The Riddler?" Edward smiled and looked at his wrist watch. "It's getting late, JC, thats a story for another day." Crane frowned. "Okay." Crane got up and started to head out the bedroom door, but Edward stopped him.

"Wait, JC, I was thinking, since you seem so sad, do you want to sleep in my bed the rest of the night?" Edward looked at the floor, expecting rejection. But Crane smiled and sat back down on the bed. "Okay." The men got under the covers, and Edward turned of the light. "Good night, JC." Edward yawned. "Good night, Edward"

Before Crane fell asleep, he remembered feeling Edward's hand on his stomach.

XXX Some time around 4:00 in the morning.

Crane churned in his deep sleep, trying to shake of a nightmare, when he felt strong arms wrap around him. His thick lashed fluttered open and staring back at him was Edward's light green ones. "What are you doing?" Crane asked in a sleep clogged voice. "Mmmm, you were having a nightmare, you looked like you were in pain. Are you okay?" Edward dodged the question.

"Yea, I'm fine. But why are you holding me?" Crane asked. Edward smiled, and started to trace Crane's jawline with his finger. He brought his mouth to Crane's ear. "Johnny boy, you're really pretty, were you aware of that. I noticed the first time I saw you. You have to be the prettiest guy I ever saw. From your blue eyes to your bony feet." Without warning, Edward slammed his mouth into Jonathan's. Crane tried to pull away, but soon melded into the warm kiss. Edward's kiss was more genuine than Bruce's sex deprived one.

Edward slowly lifted Crane's shirt up, and Crane worked with Edward's belt. Crane was shirtless, and Edward down to his boxers and nightshirt. When Crane's skinny jeans came off, the night took off, for them, in a bang. No pun intended.

XXX Jack and Bruce's room; 4:15

Jack awoke from his peaceful slumber, to moaning coming from down stairs. He looked next to him, to find Bruce still asleep. "Bruce, Bruce, wake up." He shook his companion awake. "What is it, Jackie?" Bruce said, rubbing his eyes. "It sounds like a cow is down in the kitchen, lets go see what it is." Jack was all ready for a mystery.

"Can't it wait 'till morning?" Bruce said, shoving his face into the pillow. "No, it can't." Joker grumbled and pulled Bruce to his feet. They made their way, slowly, down the stairs. The moaning sound coming from Edward's bed room. They passed the living room and Bruce said. "What, where is Crane?" Almost as an answer someone yelled Crane's name in a long moan. Bruce and Jack quickly burst threw Edward's door, to find a interesting sight. There, having sex on Edward's bed, was him and Crane. Bruce and Jack gasped.

"Edward Nygma!" Jack yelled, Bruce followed with-

"Jonathan Crane!"

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A/N Wow, I really hope you all saw that coming. Finally Crane has some love.


	9. The Leech

Disclaimer: I own no Batman characters. They belong to DC comics, Bob Kane, and in some cases, Chris Nolan.

Crane and Edward= Love.

'Nuff said. Enjoy.

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Bruce and Jack looked at each other, then to Crane and Edward. Did this seriously happen? Yes. Didn't Edward and Crane only know each other for all of 12 hours? Yes. Was this an entirely bad situation? No. No, it wasn't, this could be an entirely good situation. One which finally didn't result in Crane getting his heart beat up and smashed to pieces.

Crane climbed under the sheets, trying to hide the shame. To late, to him, this situation was shameful, indeed. Edward's face just turned every shade of pink, crimson, and red. Then, without warning, Bruce burst out laughing.

Crane poked his head out of the covers. "What is so funny, huh, Mister. Wayne?" Crane hissed. Bruce kept laughing. Bruce whipped the tears away from his eyes. "I'm s-sorry, it's just.... Heh-ha-hehHAHAHA!" Bruce fell into a broken laugh, again. "Bruce, laughing is my job, now, can you let us all in on what is so funny?" The Joker said, curtly.

"Ya' know, Johnny, I always pinned you as being the taker, not the giver." Bruce burst out laughing, again. Crane frowned and turned a color close to Edward's. Edward frowned to, in his relationship with the Joker, he was always the taker, Edward, I mean. It just seemed natural for him to be over powered.

"Well, as you should know, Brucey, I'm not so feminine in the sack, am I? Actually, if I do say so myself, I'm an animal. Yea, in fact, I'm a lion. And. You. All. Are. My. Prey." Crane said the last part in such a sensual tone, that all three other men, immediately pitched a tent in their pants.

"We'll talk about this in the morning. Excuse me, I think I'm going to bed now." Bruce exclaimed, the Joker mumbling an agreement, and was quickly in suit of Bruce. Crane looked at Edward and smiled, then threw the covers back over their sweaty bodies and continued were they left off.

XXX

Crane woke up to the smell of fresh beacon and eggs. He looked over to see the bed spot next to him was empty. Were did Edward go? Crane got up, dressed, and strolled out of the room. Were he was hit with an even stronger scent, pancakes. Yum, that had to be better then the shit they called food, at Arkham.

"Good morning." A husky voice said from behind him, a person snaking their arms around Crane's waist. He realized it was Edward and relaxed. "Good morning." Crane purred, putting his hands over Edward's. Edward kissed down Crane's neck, nipping at the collar bone.

Then they heard the snarky voice of the Joker, who was coming down the stairs with Bruce in tow. "God, you two, get a room." Bruce laughed at the Joker's comment, and shoved Crane in the shoulder. Resulting in Edward to stumble on Crane. His chest slamming into Crane's back. Edward hissed, his leg hurt today worse then others. Why did he insist so much on not having a cane? Right, it was wimpy.

Crane and Edward followed the men into the kitchen, smelling of pancakes and eggs and beacon. "Mmm, Eddy, what do you got for me and my little leech today, hmm?" Joker asked, sitting on a chair and putting his hands behind his head. "Jack, I would really appreciate it if you stop calling the baby a 'leech'." Edward said. On account of his tone, Bruce concurred it wasn't the first time the Joker referred to the baby as a leech.

"Oh, but, my dear Edward, it really is a leech. It eats my nutrients and health all up, don't you think?" Joker asked. Today was going to be one of those days when the Joker was going to be unpleasant. Usually he cared for the baby, sometimes he found it a nuisance.

Bruce frowned. "I thought you loved the baby, Jack?" Jack looked at Bruce and smiled. "Yea, it's cool that I'm the first _real_ pregnant man and all, but, damn, being pregnant is hard. You eat, and the baby takes it, I'm peeing every five minutes. Hell, I can't even have booze anymore." The Joker balanced his chair on two legs. Edward wincing as Jack balanced, close to falling.

"Jack... Do you really _love _the baby, or the concept of the baby?" Crane interjected. Joker rolled his eye- "Please, Johnny, don't try and psychoanalyze my brian. You, of all people, should know it can't be done. Your little asylum tried."

Crane frowned, while Edward dished up breakfast. Crane stabbing into the amazing pancakes. "Jack, what I mean is, the concept of being different from probably anyone in the entire world. This concept can cloud the human mind, to where the ego becomes so big, you could build monuments."

"Please, spare me, Crane. I really do love my baby, really. It means everything to me. I'm sorry I can act like I don't love it, but it's hard to be so different, when everyone else is normal."

Just then, Bruce chocked on his beacon, laughing so hard. "What's so funny, Bruce?" Jack asked, narrowing his green eyes. Bruce cleared his throught. "Us, normal? Now, look at us. We have a mass murdering clown, a killer riddle machine, a scrawny ex physicatrist who thinks he is a gardening tool, and a billionaire playboy" He remembered, Edward didn't know about the Batman yet.

"We are not exactly the most normal bunch of lovers on this side of the world." Bruce finished. The Joker looked at him, and finally cracked a small smile. "I guess your right. We are normal in the world of strange."

The rest of the breakfast was eaten in a comfortable silence. Crane and Edward doing the dishes, while Bruce and Jack watched T.V. They watched the news as some information of Gotham came on. "We have been informed that Gotham police have potentially become aware of the whereabouts of Dr. Jonathan Crane, billionaire Bruce Wayne, and the mass murdering clown The Joker.-" All four breaths hitched. This could not be.

"-They are said to be hiding out in an old wear house outside of Gotham-" The news castor reported. All men sighed in contempt. Bruce rubbed Jack's belly and kissed his temple. "When are we going to find out the sex of the baby, Jack?"

Jack sighed. "We might not, if the doctors refuse to treat me. I won't be able to know until the baby is born..." Jack sighed. Bruce kissed his lover. "Don't worry, I'll will make them treat you and our little leech." Bruce said. Edward cringed when washing a dish, which resulted in it cracking in his vice grip. 'Leech'?! God, that was apt to be the baby's name. God, no, please!

Bruce and Jack quietly watched T.V, as Edward and Crane joined them. As all four men were sitting there, the power went out. Resulting in pitch black darkness. Then they heard Crane scream, shriek actually. Edward looked over to Crane, but all he saw was darkness-

"JC!"

________________

A/N: Suspense. I love it. I might be the master of it. No, I make people cry. Well, that's what I did to this poor kid in my english class. I did my Joker impression for him, and he blubbered like a whale. He was scared out of his wits end. I did the dialogue from when Heath was Nurse Joker. And I walked up to the kids face and was like "Nobody panics when things go according to plaaan." And the kid got all shaky and started to cry. It was bad.


	10. Lillian Rose: The Blackout

Disclaimer: I own no Batman characters. They belong to DC Comics, Bob Kane, and, in some cases, Chris Nolan.

In this chapter we meet the Joker's favorite paranoid schizophrenic! Guess who it is! Just guess, I dare you!

Anyway, on with this show!

______________

"JC!?" Edward yelled into the darkness. "Sorry, I just hate the dark." Crane said, voice cracking. Edward sighed. "Jesus H, love, you gave me a heart attack."

Edward reached out and pulled Crane into a protective embrace. "Maybe we should light a candle, or try to find a flash light." Jack suggested. Bruce also had instinctively embraced Jack in a protective hug.

"I've got neither, but it's weird, our power system is hooked up to the line of houses on the street. If our power went out, so did theirs." Edward said. "Wait, Edward, didn't you ounce tell me that all of the power in this side of the city was hooked up to each other?" Jack asked. Edward nodded, though not visible. "Yea...why?" Edward asked. "Well, if we lost power, then that means.... They all lost power too." Jack mused. Crane gasped in horror. Edward cut in.

"What are you getting at, Jack?" Edward tightened his hold on Crane. "That means its a-" Jack was cut off by Bruce. "-blackout." He deadpanned. "W-what?! L-like in that movie, 'Thirty Day's Of Night?!" Crane stumbled over his words. Joker giggled. "Not exactly, Johnny-boy, that movie was set in Alaska, where it's dark for a few months. Gosh, get out more."

"If you haven't noticed, I've been cooped up in an asylum for a year and a half." Crane grumbled. "Didn't stop me." Joker mumbled back.

"Well, I'm going to look out the doorway, and see if everyone else's power went out." Bruce said, cautiously getting up and fumbling to the door. He unlocked it and looked out. He couldn't tell if other people's power was out, because it was day time. But as soon as he opened the door, he got shoved back inside by a guy dressed one of the Joker's old hench clowns.

He had a gun. "Don't even think about moving, fuckers!" He yelled. There was enough light coming from the open door to see now. The Joker bolted up. "And who the fuck may you be. As you look like you should work for me!" Joker said. The clown cackled. "Ooh, pretty boy's got a way with words, huh? Well try these words 'sit the fuck down or I shoot ya'!'" The clown pointed the gun at the Joker. Joker raised his hands. "Okay, friend, lets not do anything drastic here. You-HAHA-you don't want to kill us. Tell me, who do you work for?"

Before the clown could answer, a voice cut him off. "He works for me." A soothing, chiming, voice said. A body coming in from outside. The outline of the man was in the doorway, he looked to be lilthe, lanky, and skinny. Almost like Crane. The man directed his attention to his hench clown. "Now, Dexter, don't harm these people. They are not a threat to our operation. Come now, Dexter." The soothing voice said.

By this time Edward had shielded Crane with his whole body, and Bruce had taken Jack in a defensive hug. "Who are you people, and what do you want with us?!" Edward shouted to the men. The skinny man looked at Edward. "My dear friend, I ask nothing of you. My hench clown just simply got the wrong house. I assure you, we mean you all no harm." The man said.

By this time, the Joker thought he may have recognized the mans voice. Then it clicked in his head. The Joker slowly walked up to the man. Why slowly? He didn't want to get shot. He put his hand on the man's cheek.

"Tommy? Tommy Schiff?" He had always called Thomas Schiff 'Tommy', because it bugged him so much. "Yes...? Oh my God, Joker. Mistah. J?" Tommy truly sounded shocked. Joker smiled. "Yea, Tommy, it's me."

The 3 people in his whole life Jack ever cared about were: Bruce Wayne, Edward Nygma, and Thomas Schiff. Joker had been informed that Tommy had been killed by Harvey Dent. But he was told lies.

Tommy hugged the Joker tightly, and muffled into the crook of his neck. "They told me he killed you." He said. The Joker laughed. "They told me he killed you. We were both miss informed, I guess." Joker replied. Then he felt the baby kick, and wondered if Tommy felt it to. He did.

"Joker, did something just kick me....?" Tommy asked. Joker pulled away and looked at the floor. "Yes, I s'pose." He mumbled. "Ok... What kicked me?" Tommy asked.

"My baby." The Joker mumbled, not understandable. "What's that, Joker, I didn't here you?" Tommy cupped his hand to his ear, to hear Joker better. "My baby!" The Joker yelled. "Happy, I'm pregnant. What kicked you was my baby. Bruce's baby, and my baby. Our little leech."

*Edward cringe* Crane gave a small smile to Edward. "Oh, Joker, your pregnant! I'm so proud!" Tommy jumped up and down, hugging the Joker tight again.

"Thomas Lee Schiff, what the fuck is wrong with you?" Joker asked. "I'm not some sort of freak?" The Joker grabbed Tommy by the shoulders and looked him in the big sparkling blue eyes.

"Well, the funny thing about that...." Before Tommy could finished, a little girl came bounding through the doorway. Pulling on Tommy's coat. "Daddy, Daddy, when are we getting the ice cream?" She asked. The girl had to be the most prettiest little thing any of the men ever saw. She had thick, curly, blonde hair, big blue eyes, and a big smile. She was wearing a pink dress with black buckle shoes. Your regular Shirley Temple.

"Joker, meet Lillian Rose, your daughter."

__________________

A/N: Well.... Shit. Haha, thats probably what the Joker's thinking right about know. I have decided, the way all these men got pregnant is from the radiation in Gotham's Narrows. Which means Crane has a possibility of getting knocked up to.


	11. God Didn't Have The Balls

Disclaimer: I own no Batman characters. They belong to DC Comics, Bob Kane, and, in some cases, Chris Nolan.

A/N: I'm going to make you all wait in suspense some more! Mawahaha! Well, I had this idea when I was sitting in my Algebra class the other day. This chapter is about a the first week the Joker spent at Edward Nygma's. This is in the view point of Edward, also, so it's not my usual authors point.

This will be one of the more emotionally deep chapters. So, be prepared for angst. And this time, it's not Crane's heart that gets broke to pieces. Enjoy!

Inspired by Amy Lee and Seether's song 'Broken'.

Now, on with this show!

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I had been sitting on my cheap sofa, reading a cheap version of 'Wuthering Heights', when my door bell rang. Now, living in South Philly, I kept a gun on the side table near the door. Ya' know just in case some punk ass kid was lookin' for trouble.

So, I got up, crept to the door, (stealth, right?) and cocked the gun. I slowly opened the door, a crack. To see... How do I explain this? The love of my life? The Heathcliff to my Catherine(sorry, to much Wuthering Heights)? The Edward Cullen to my Isabella Swan?

But, whatever he was to me then, he had been my high school sweet heart. I had loved him the first moment we met, granted we were only 5. I opened the door wider. The look in my loves eyes was pleading. "Jack?" I, stupidly, questioned. He smiled.

"Hey, Eddy." He said. And we immediately embraced in a rib crushing hug. But he soon pulled away. "Ow, ow, shit!" He said. I looked at him. "What's wrong, did I hurt ya'?" I asked, looking at his belly, which he was holdin'.

He just shook his head 'no', and slowly stood up. "I've just been having some issues lately... Look, Edward, I was wondering if I could crash with you for a little while?" He asked, abruptly trudging into my house. Putting down a green and purple suitcase. "I, uh, guess so."

He turned around to look at me. "Somthin' wrong, Eddy?" He sounded the same he did the day he left.

_Flashback. Detroit Michigan. 1999_

_"Damn you, Edward Nygma, I told you not to cry." Jack said to his boyfriend, who was shuddering with sobs. "I'm sorry." Edward whispered. Jack brushed away a tear on his boyfriend's cheek. "Somthin' wrong, Eddy?" He asked._

_Edward, then, pounded his fist's to Jack's chest. "Damn you! You said you'd never leave! You said you'd never leave me! You promised! Jackson fucking Napier, God damn it, you promised!" Edward screamed. Jack was crying now to, trying to hold his boyfriend in a tight hug. "Shh, Eddy, it's okay." He cooed. _

_Edward shoved Jack off of him, giving him a punch square in the jaw. Jack landing on Edward's bed. Edward got on top of him, grinding his hips against Jack's. Anger to remorse. "Are you going to miss this, Jackie-boy?" Edward breathed into Jack's ear, kissing down his neck, up to his lips, to Jack's fresh scars from the accident earlier that year. _

_"Edward, stop....." Jack started to say, but turned out as a moan. "Mmm, you know, Jack, you moan like a fucking whore." Edward said through sloppy kisses. Jack pushed Edward away. "Please, Edward, I got to get to my house to pack." Jack pleaded. Edward was not going to be charged with rape of his own boyfriend, so he slowly climbed off Jack, being cautious of his own leg. The one that had the shattered bone from the same accident that gave Jack the scars. _

_Edward looked at Jack. "Please, Jack... Don't go." He pleaded one last time. Jack just smiled and hugged him. "Don't worry, love, we will see each other again. God doesn't have the balls to keep us apart." With that, Jackson Napier left Edward Nygma's little apartment in Detroit. _

_Edward sat in the corner of his room, rocking back and forth, singing. "Oh were oh were, can my little dog be. Oh were oh were, could he be...." Edward went into his bathroom, took out a razor-blade and cut a question mark into his neck. And The Riddler was born._

Present Time

"Edward?" Jack looked at me, I guess I dazed for a moment. "Oh, what did you ask?" I asked, looking at Jack. "I asked 'Somthin' wrong, Edward?" Jack repeated. "Oh, well, no I s'pose not. I guess you can stay a little while. But, why are you coming here, after all these years?" I asked. Jack just gave me a soft hug, spoke into the crook of my neck. "I knew God didn't have the balls to keep us apart. I'm only staying a few weeks at the most. But I have something to show you."

Jack opened the purple and green suitcase and got out a small box, marked 'Pregnancy Tests'. He handed it to me. "Oh God, Jackson Napier, you got some bitch pregnant?" I asked. Opening the box and looking at all three positive sticks. "Not exactly." Jack said. "I don't know for sure, I'm going to have to go to a specialist, but....feel." Jack took my hand and placed it over the bump on his stomach.

I could feel my eyes widen. "No, how? How could that be possible?" I questioned. Jack shrugged. "Radiation? Aliens? I'm not sure... You don't think I'm a freak, do you?" Jack asked, worry tinting his tone. I shook his head. "No, no. It's just... Holy shit! It's breath taking." I said. Grabbing Jack in a gentle hug. "I'm going to get you the best specialist I can find." I told him. We were going to except this. No matter how...weird it was.

"Good." Jack said, and I felt him smile into my shoulder.

Nights, present.

Every night leading up to the appointment with the doctor, I could here Jack moaning in his sleep. He shared my tiny bed with me, until I could accomadate for him. He moaned some weird words. No ones name just 'Batman.' or 'Bats'. But the night before the appointment I heard him moan a name. 'Bruce.'

I looked over at him, he started to talk in his sleep. Dreaming of this 'Bruce' person. He would usual just moan, but sometimes he would add words in there. From "Oh, yeaaaaaa." to "uhhh, right therrrrre." It varied. I looked over at him, he had began touching himself. *Oh, just wonderful.* I thought, rolling my eyes. I got up off the bed and went to the couch. Only to find, he slept walked to. Jack followed me onto the couch, laying on top of me. He started grinding, that's when I had had enough. "Jackson! Get up!" I yelled. He woke up with a start. "Oh, sorry." He mumbled and went back to the bedroom.

Whoever this 'Bruce' person was, I had to get in touch with him.

And soon. 


	12. Blonde Curls For Bloody Knuckles

Disclaimer: I own no Batman characters. They belong to DC Comics, Bob Kane, and, in some cases, Chris Nolan.

A/N: This chapter will show the more 'touching' side of Joker. It is back to present time. When Tommy Schiff has showed up with Lillian Rose. So I hope you like this side of the Joker thats shown in this chapter. Because, I know its hard to imagine that the Joker has a tiny piece of heart thats not filled with hatred.

So, enjoy.

Now, on with this show.

___________

"Joker, meet Lillian Rose, your daughter."

___________

"My... daughter?" Jack questioned. Tommy nodded, smiling. Bruce was watching from a little ways behind them. Bruce was feeling hurt, very hurt. "Wait, how am I her father, when your her father, too?" Jack asked.

"Well, silly, I got pregnant....somehow. The day before the attempt to kill the mayor. You know, when you broke me out of Arkham...." Tommy said. This was a lot for the Joker to take in. He already had a child. A little girl. She was beautiful. It warmed Jack's heart, a little.

He bent down to look Lillian in the face, who was hiding behind Schiff's leg. "Hello, Lillian Rose." He purred. Lillian hid her face and let out a little scream. Joker stood back up to Schiff's hight. "What's with her?" He asked.

"I think she's afraid of the make up." Schiff said. Joker looked at the little girl, her face full of terror. "Well, hell if I'm taking my face off for her." Joker said. "Come on, Jack, she's only 3 years old." Schiff whispered. Joker looked back down at the little girl, then at Schiff. "Okay, fine." He grumbled. and held out his hand for Lillian. She was hesitant.

"It's okay, sweet heart. Jack is going to show you something beautiful." Schiff said, bending down and kissing his little girl on the forehead. Lillian nodded, and looked up at Jack. Lillian took Jack's hand. Jack led her to the bathroom. He shut, and locked, the door. He set the little girt on the closed toilet seat.

She leaned away a bit, the make up really did scare her. Joker gave the little girl a hard look. Then got up and looked in the mirror. Running the water and washing his mask off. Little pieces of Jackson Napier shining through at a time. The Joker getting washed down the drain, to reveal a beautiful scarred man, with bouncing golden curls. Just like the little girl, the curls I mean.

Jack looked at Lillian. The little girl smiled when she saw her father without the make up. She looked up at him, and said- "You're pretty."

Two little words, coming out of such an innocent, beautiful, child. It hurt Jack to know that this child knew nothing of what he had done to thousands of lives. She was a clean slate, he was a blood stained one.

He bent down and put a few curls behind Lillian's ear. "You're beautiful." Jack whispered to the little girl. _His _little girl. Lillian smiled. "Thank you. My Daddy tells me that all the time. He tells me I have his eyes and my other Daddy's beautiful hair. I never knew my other Father, Daddy says he got killed by a piece of cheap steal." Lillian looked down. Whimpering a little. Jack lifted her chin up. "No, no, sweet heart. Your Daddy's not dead. He's here. I'm here." He said. The little girl sniffled.

"You're my other Daddy?" She asked. Jack nodded, she smiled and hugged his neck. Jack was taken aback for a second, children never reacted like this before. They always stared at his scars. Some time's pointing and whispering to their parents.

But Jack hugged back. As the two were having this touching moment, they heard breaking glass followed by some one shouting- 'He had a right to know!'

Jack looked at the closed door. He wanted to see what was going on out there, but didn't want Lillian to get caught up in the fight. Plus, he really should not be getting to active, with his pregnancy being fragile.

He looked back at his little girl. "You stay right here, Lilly. Okay?" He said. Lillian looked at him, fear in her eyes. "No, Daddy, I want to go with you." She said. "I've never seen you until know. Let me be with you, just for a little while." She pleaded. Jack looked at her. "Fine, but stay behind me, okay?" He asked, she nodded.

Jack opened the door and went out to the living room. He saw Schiff getting beaten up by Bruce. Crane and Edward trying to pry Bruce off of him. Jack immediately started to help get Bruce off of Tommy. It had appeared Dexter(Schiff's hench clown) had gone back to destroying the city. Or, trying to.

The men finally got Bruce off Tommy. "What the hell was that?" Jack yelled at Bruce. Bruce wiped his bloody mouth on his sleeve. "He.... He will ruin us." Bruce replied. "What?!" Jack questioned.

Bruce gestured to Lillian. "That....that girl! She will tare us apart. Soon, you will start taking care of her, then you might have to go visit her every once in a while. But soon, Schiff is going to convince you and the baby to move in with him and Lillian. Then, were does that leave me, huh?!"

"Bruce, thats ridiculous! Haven't I showed you how much you mean to me? I would never leave you. Nothing could change that I love you. How about we just take a deep breath, and play this by ear. Let's all go out for some ice cream.-" Jack turned his attention to Lillian "-Lilly, didn't your Daddy promise you ice cream?" He asked. She nodded, and ran over to Schiff. Who was barely there, hovering in a sea of black, from the beating he got.

"Daddy, Daddy! Are you alright?" The little girl asked frantically. Schiff took a few seconds to answer, but gave a weak nod. The men looked down at him. "He doesn't look to good. Maybe we should do some thing." Edward commented. Crane bent down and put his fingers on Schiffs pulse. "Shit, it's still there, but barely. Bruce did a number on him. I think he has a concussion." Crane reported. "Well, is he going to be okay?" Lilly asked. Crane looked at Jack.

"He is going to need medical attention, and fast." Crane said, and added-

"Or, Bruce will end up breaking his one rule."

________

A/N: Don't worry, you really think I'm going to kill off poor Thomas Schiff? Okay, so I was thinking about it.


	13. Jack The Gothic Hooker

Disclaimer: I own no Batman characters. The belong to DC Comics, Bob Kane, and, in some cases, Chris Nolan.

A/N: So, I could not pass up the chance to have Mr. Joker dress in drag. Could I? Nawww. So, here is is. By the way, this is a House, MD(don't own either) cross over chapter. I really hope you all know who that is :]

This chapter is inspired by 'Im made of Wax Larry, What are You Made Of?' by

A Day To Remember.

Anyway, on with this show! Enjoy.

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"Do I have to wear this?" Jack complained as Edward handed him a Gothic hooker dress, and some 'great' hooker boots to match(haha, leather!). Edward looked at him. "Come, on, we don't have time to diddle dawdle. Schiff's ambulance is going to be her in 5 minutes. Now, you put this on, or your not going with us."

The Joker whined but took the dress and boots into the bathroom and started changing. As he looked in the mirror, at his naked body, he noticed he was getting fat. One of the many negatives of pregnancy. He groaned in annoyance, poking his belly. He huffed at pulled the dress over his head.

His protruding stomach looking smaller in the black silk and lace. He quickly got the boots on, lacing them up. Then added the last touches to his disguise. Black lipstick, crimson eyeshadow, and a lot of black eyeliner. Not a far cry from his usual get up, but still crazy emo.

It didn't help that the dress' lack in sleeves showed of his self inflicted cuts, from oh-so-long-ago.

He looked at himself and sighed, he truly was beautiful. If only the general public could see that.... He wouldn't have had to go on a mass murdering spree a few years ago. His plan did work out, he got his Batman. But at what cost....? His freedom... He was the most wanted man in Gotham City, one of the biggest city's in the United States.

The Joker slid those thoughts aside and slowly walked out of the bathroom. Crane was standing next to Edward. They both gave a whistle in satisfaction. "Well, my dear aren't you looking beautiful." Came a silky voice from the hallway. Jack looked to see Bruce standing against the wall. Jack rolled his eyes.

"Please, Bruce, I'm not very happy with you right now." Jack said, brushing past him to check on Schiff and Lillian. "Why?" Bruce asked innocently.

Jack spun around on his high heeled boots, punning Bruce the wall. "On a count of, you just fucking beat one of my best friends up. Ya' know, the guy laying in the living room, the Father...ugh...Mother...ugh WHATEVER of my daughter!"

Bruce looked at the Joker, his eyes black with rage. "I-I'm sorry. I really am.... But I just didn't think." Bruce stammered. The Joker let Bruce's body slump to the floor. "Thats right, you didn't think. Just stop being so paranoid all the time." Jack then brushed by Edward and Crane, who were onlookers, to get to Schiff and Lily.

Crane helped Bruce off the floor. "He'll come around, just give him time." Crane soothed. Edward smiled. "Yea, darlin', I have known Jackson for my whole life. And if I understood somthin' early on, it was not to get on his bad side."

"No, it's just. He's right... I really should stop being scared that he'll leave. I know he won't do it again. It's just, he has those mood swings, like a fucking women. And I don't whens the next time he's going to leave again."

Edward looked at Bruce. "Never. Darlin', the answer is never. He love's you with all his heart. It's just hard for him to show it sometimes. And when he does, he shows it in different ways. For example: For valentines day one year, when we were 15, he killed a Crow for me, pinned a heart to it, and left it at my doorstep." Edward said. Crane gasped. "He killed a... C-crow?" Crane stammered. Edward smiled, ruffling his hair. "Yea, he did... Why you ask?" Edward said, pricking up an eyebrow. Crane remembered Edward didn't know anything about his alter ego. "Oh, umm, I just love crows, they are my favorite bird."

As Crane said that, the three men turned at the noise of ambulance sirens coming down the street. Bruce and Jack helped the EMT's get Schiff into the ambulance. Jack and Lilly going in the cab with them. Bruce, Crane, and Edward following suit in Bruce's sports car.

As they rode in the ambulance, one of the EMT's kept hitting on Jack. "So, sweet cheeks, what's your name?" He asked, fiddling with the IV in an obscene way. Jack snapped his head, he was looking at Schiff. "Shove it, ass hole." The Joker snapped, but the man didn't give up. "I'd like to shove it, in that pussy of yours." He said, licking his lips. "Okay, well, how ab_ou_**t**....you suck my dick." The Joker said, in his regular, non-female, voice.

The EMT looked at him. "What...?" He started, but Jack showed him his legs under the hooker dress, they hadn't been shaved in awhile. The EMT cringed, now focusing on the IV fluid.

Lilly giggled and hugged Jack, again. She put her hands on one of Jack's shoulders, and whispered. "You really are pretty, Daddy." Jack turned to look at her, the blonde curls bouncing. "You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen, my love." He said, stroking her cheek and kissing her forehead. She giggled and sat in Jack's lap, slinging her arms around his neck, nestling her head into his chest.

They arrived at Philadelphia Mercy General in a few minutes. Jack, Lilly, Crane, Edward, and Bruce following the bed Schiff was being transported on. They soon got him a room, the nurse saying that a Doctor. Gregory House would see them soon. So they waited, and waited, and waited. Finally, Jack was sitting outside the closed door of the room, when he heard the sound of a _tap tap tap _coming down the hall way.

He looked up to see a scruffy man with a limp, probably in his late 40's to 50's, coming down the hall way. The man walked right up to Jack, and looked him in the eye for a few minutes. He finally spoke. "Hello, _Mr_. Schiff." The man said, his voice low and gravely. Jack put a hand over his heart. "Well, haha, darlin' your mistaking. I am Mrs. Schiff. My husband is whom you will be taking care of this, uhh, fine morning." Jack said is his best girly southern drawl.

"Mmmm, no. I don't think so. Cheap make up, cheap hooker boots. Your a man... Which, by the way, that color does nothing for your figure." The man said, kicking Jack in the shin with his cane. This guy was not going to play very nice, was he?

"Thanks, I get that a lot. Now, if you would be the good doctor you are, and go help my husband that'd be great." The Joker said, still in the girly voice. The man sighed and patted Jack's belly. "Getting ourselves pregnant, are we? Well that's just slut-ish. And by the looks of it, I'd say.... It's not _his _baby, is it, Mr. Schiff." The doctor said proudly, ignoring The Jokers demand.

Jack had had enough of this guy, he slammed the gimpy doctor into the wall. The doctor smirked. "Did I hit a nerve?" He asked The Joker. "Shut. The. Fuc_k_. Up." The Joker said, menacing.

The Joker looked down both ways of the hall, before shoving the doctor and himself into a broom closet. "Now, tell me, I'm assuming your Dr. House, how you figured out that I was a man." The Joker demanded. "I obviously am pregnant, does that even mean anything to you?" He added. House smirked again.

"Everybody lies. I guess you just look like the type of _guy _who gets off on technicalities." House said. The Joker rolled his eyes. "English...please."

"Sorry, what I meant was, you look like the type of guy who gets aroused by chaos, anarchy, knives, bullets, gasoline, and dynamite." He said.

"Then how do you explain a man being pregnant?" The Joker asked. "Uhh, easy. Were are you from?" House asked, rolling his eyes. Joker looked at him skeptically. "Gotham... Why?"

"What part of Gotham?" House asked, a glint in his blue eyes.

"The Narrows." The Joker answered.

"Exactly, after living in The Narrows over a period of time the radiation from all the put out factories changes the male's anatomy. Altering the reproductive system, causing your little swimmers to change into little eggs. It's actually very simple. But.... Simple is a different thing to me than it is to you. I assume." House explained.

The Joker huffed. "Yea, well, it's not Schiff's baby. Schiff's not even my husband. You can't tell anyone who we are, we work for a secret agency. There is a guy in the room, he is tall with black hair, he's built, that is my husband. His name is Bruce." Half of that was a lie, not like House couldn't see that.

"_God_, do you ever stop lying? You do not work for a secret agency. I know exactly who you are, who could mistake those scars? You are Gotham's beloved Joker, are you not?" Questioned House sarcastically. The Joker growled. "Yea...." He mumbled.

"Don't get your thong in a bunch, princess, I'm not going to tell anyone. Why do I care about a few thousand people you terrified three years ago? Not my place to interfere. Now... If you don't mind, I'd like to tend to the real Mr. Schiff in the next one thousand years, so could you let me go?" House patted the Jokers upper arm with his cane, Jack dropped him.

They discreetly climbed out of the broom closet, House muttering something about a 'Dr. Chase starting a rumor.' House limped into the room, pretending to make a disgusted face at Crane sitting in Edward's lap. Crane gave him a death glare.

"Relax birdie, I'm just joking." He said to Crane. Crane got wide eyed. "What d-did you just call me?" He asked House, as the doctor(House) was looking over Schiff's short medical records. "I called you birdie, you remind me of a crow. The hair I mean, and the crazy look on your face." House commented, not taking his eyes off of Schiff's chart.

Schiff was awake, and looked up at House. "Well, Tommy-boy, it seam's you have a concussion. And a nasty black eyes, that doesn't do anything for your complexion. Sorry to say, you have a case of pasty white-ass. That's okay, it should clear up as soon as summer is here. For now, you'll have to be paler than Count Dracula. I'm going to give you some medicine to dull the pain, then you can go."

House closed the clip board and walked out of the room, Crane getting off Edward's lap to follow House. Being a doctor, Crane had question. "Hey, Doctor. House? Can I ask you some questions?" Crane asked, catching up with the doctor in the hall.

"If I say no, will you fly away, Birdie?" He asked Crane. Crane scoffed. "One thing you should know about Crows, they're persistent." Crane said, then he tripped House with his foot. House tumbled to the floor, hissing in pain as his bad leg hit the floor. "Now, Dr. House, I have a few question's. Being a doctor myself, I can tell when people lie. I know that you know that Schiff's reproductive organs never went back to normal. I know that He only has a few weeks before the organs attempt to form back into male. But without being near the Narrows polluted air, that will be dangerous, possibly life threatening. And, I also know that you know Jack is facing the same fate with his pregnancy." Crane said to House, who had managed to shuffle to his feet.

"You know what else I know, Birdie-kinzz? You're sharing the same fate." House said. Crane looked at him, confused. "What?" Crane asked.

"Your pregnant, Birdie."

______________

A/N: Don't worry, it's not as bad as you think. Or....is it?


	14. The Con

Disclaimer: I own no Batman characters. They belong to DC Comics, Bob Kane. And, in some cases, Chris Nolan.

I don't own any House, MD characters either.

Don't worry, Crane might not be pregnant. Gregory House has known to be wrong..... Right?

Inspired by Tegan and Sara's song 'The Con'.

Anyway, enjoy!

___________

"JC! JC, darlin', wake-up!" Edward yelled to a passed out Crane. After Doctor Gregory House had told Doctor Jonathan Crane that he(Crane) might be pregnant, Crane had passed out. House had laughed hysterically and informed Edward Nygma that his boyfriend had just passed out in the hall way. Bruce and him rushed to Jonathan's side, but Jack stayed to watch Lillian and Schiff.

"Well, Batty, I'm pretty sure he's past out cold." House whispered to Bruce, as they watched Edward try to rise Crane. Bruce looked at House. "Don't call me that." He hissed. House stuck out his tongue.

Finally Crane coughed and sat up. Edward hugged him. "Oh, JC, are you okay, darlin'?" Crane looked confused but then remembered why he passed out. "Yea, yea, just a little light headed. I think it was from that huge breakfast, I'm not used to all the food." Crane said, patting his stomach. Noticing it was a little bloated. 'Crap....' Crane thought.

"Well, my winged friends, I think I'll be discharging your fellow criminal brethren now. I just need his next of kin to sign this paper... Which I know that the hooker with Schiff is not actually married to him. So... Who's it going to be?" House asked, holding out a document and pen.

"Well, his next of kin is Lillian... But she's only three." Bruce said. House smiled. "She'll be fine."

____________

After Lillian scribbled on the paper, the boys(and girl) headed back to Edward's house. Schiff had gotten a head bandage that made his black hair flatten against his forehead. In which House had commented that is looked pretty 'scene', or emo.

Jack was glad to get out of his hooker attire when they got home. Lillian had fallen asleep, Bruce carried her to Jack's master bedroom, laying her on the bed. He was sitting next to her small, sleeping frame.

He saw a lot of Jack in her. The blonde curls, the skinny frame(granted, she was only three), but he also saw a kind heart. Which to some peoples surprise, Jack did have a kind heart, just no one to share it with, until Bruce.

Bruce brushed some of the hair out of Lillian's face, blue eyes fluttering open to meet brown ones. "Hi." Lillian whispered, she was embarrassed to admit that Bruce scared her a little bit. He was so big, tall and muscular.

"Hey, Lilly. Look, I'm really sorry about earlier. I'm not usually like that. It's just, when it comes to your Daddy, I get crazy at the idea of it not just being him and me. I love him so much... You understand, right Lilly?" Bruce asked the little girl. She smiled. "I understand, Mister. Wayne." She put her arms around Bruce's neck. "You can call me Bruce." He smiled and ran his fingers through the blonde curls.

___________

Edward and Crane had been downstairs, order, by the Joker, to make sure Tommy didn't wake up for awhile. He was ordered to rest.

Edward was tracing lazy circles on Crane's stomach, his head in Crane's lap. "JC?" He asked.

"Hmm?"

"What did that Doctor House tell you that made you pass out?" Edward asked, looking up into ice blue orbs. Crane coughed. "Nothing..." He said, looking over at Schiff, feeling guilty about the news he was now positive was true.

"Aw, JC, it wasn't just 'Nothing....'. It was something. Now tell your dear ol' friend, The Riddler, please." Edward pleaded. Crane sighed. "Okay, how about I tell it to you in the form of a riddle, that shouldn't be that hard for you."

"Okay, hit me!" Edward said, sitting up, looking at Crane intently.

"Okay, it's something beautiful that can only happen to one type of person. This person usually glows with pleasure during the event. The creation of this thing keeps the world flourishing."

Edward thought for a few minutes. "Money?" He asked. Crane shook his head. He thought for a few more minutes. "Pregnancy..." It slowly dawned on Edward. Crane nodded his head. "Oh my God! JC-" Edward was cut off by Crane clamping his hand over Edward's mouth. "You can tell no living soul, you hear me? Miss Blabbermouth?" Crane hissed, Edward nodded.

___________

Later that night, Jonathan Crane decided to right a letter to the only person who could possibly be the father. According to the timing, it couldn't have been Bruce. and it certainly was not Edward. That only left one person.

Crane got a piece of stationary, an envelope, and a stamp and pen. He only wrote a few, simple, word.

_We need to talk. Soon._

_-Sincerely, Jonathan Crane_

He put it in the envelope sealed it, and addressed it to a Mister. Harvey Dent.

__________

A/N: Holy Crap. Poor Crane, he's just everyone's bitch, isnt he?


	15. The Widow

Disclaimer: I own no Batman characters. They belong to DC Comics, Bob Kane, and, in some cases, Chris Nolan.

In this chapter, it revolves mostly around Crane. It's also mostly in flashback form. Harvey Dent will also be introduced in this chapter. Enjoy.

Inspired by the song 'The Widow' by The Mars Volta.

On with this show!

____________

In the morning, Crane gathered up all of the men(and Lilly) into the living room. He was going to tell them about the pregnancy, and about Harvey.

"What's this about, Johnny? I promised Lillian I would get her ice cream today, so hurry it along." Joker commented. Lillian nodded her head and sat in Jack's lap. Resting her head on his chest, maneuvering around his belly. Crane let out a shaky breath.

"Yesterday, Dr. House, told me something I thought all of you should know. I'm not positive yet, but he told me I was pregnant." All four men gasped. Lilly to busy humming to herself. "Wait? I'm not the father, right?" Bruce asked. Crane shook his head. "No, thats the next part of my big news. The father, I have ruled to probably be, ex- District Attorney, Harvey Dent.-" another four gasps "-Yes, it is very shocking. I have contacted Harvey, I am going to wait a few days to hear back from him. But, I was just looking for a little support, I mean, it's scary. And... I don't know if I can handle it...." Crane trailed off.

Bruce stood up, putting his arms around Crane's thin frame. "It's okay, Jonathan, I'm here for you." He soothed as Crane cried into his chest. Jack chimed in with- "Yea, me and Schiff are too." Schiff nodded.

"I'm here to, Johnny." Lilly piped in, jumping off Jack's lap, hugging Crane's knees. "Me too." Came Edward's soothing voice, Bruce gave Crane to Edward, who sat with Crane in his lap, on the recliner.

"I just-I just am so scared. I don't know the first thing about being a parent..." Crane sniffled. "Well, the birth is very painful, but you don't remember a second of it the first time you see your little baby, all bloody and squirming. Reaching out for your touch-" Schiff kissed Lillian as he said this to Crane "-Crying to be in _your _arms. It's an amazing feeling, the best in the world."

Lillian smiled at both her Daddy's, snuggling into the space on the couch between them. Bruce smiled and peered down at Jack, taking his hand and rubbing it on Jack's swollen belly. Jack grabbed Bruce's other hand, intwining they're fingers.

Crane looked up at Edward. "Y-your not going to leave me?" He whispered. Edward smiled. "Of coarse not, darlin', you mean the world to me. I would never even think about leavin' ya'. I love you." Edward kissed Crane. Jonathan getting a little to into it, sliding his hands up Edwards shirt, pinching his nipples. Edward moaned. "

They were interrupted by someone yelling "KIDS IN THE ROOM!!!!" It was Lilly. All eyes went on her, Crane and Edward broke apart. Lilly face was blushed red, her eye's filled with disgust. "You people are gross, get a room. I don't want to see that." Lilly said, giving Crane a look, like a mother scolding her teenage son.

Crane laughed and reached over to cup Lilly's face. "Aren't you the cutest little muffin." He cooed. Lilly smacked his hand away. "That hand just preformed a sexual act, don't touch me with it until you wash it." Lilly commanded. Crane smiled, all the men laughed.

"JC? I need to ask you, can you tell us how you ended up having sex with Harvey?" Edward asked. Lilly chimed in with- "I'm out of here." And she walked up to Jack's master bedroom, plugging her ears along the way.

"Well" Crane started "- It was when I had got my job back, temporarily, they just needed a fill in, and Arkham didn't care if I was crazy, so they put me in to question one Mister. Harvey Dent....."

_Flashback; Arkham Asylum, 5 months earlier._

_Crane POV_

_"Hello, Harvey, I'm Dr. Crane, I will be your psychiatrist until they can find you a regular." I said, extending my hand, but laughed as I saw he was in a straight jacket. He glowered at me. "Sorry, I just forget about the restraints sometimes." I mumbled. But he exchanged my handshake for a friendly smile._

_"Well, on your chart, it states you are obsessed with getting revenge on Lt. James Gordon, but then it also says you want to get revenge on the Batman, the Joker, and various other cops and government officials. Lets start there- Why are you so bent on getting revenge?" I asked. He looked at me, his hazel eyes flicking up and down. Was he...? Checking me out? No way!_

_"My source of revenge is simple; I want whoever killed my Rachel to die, I want them to feel the same pain she felt. Knowing your going to die, but not being able to do shit about it." Harvey hissed, hurt flashing in those hazel eyes. "Okay... May I ask who you blame for your fiancee's death?" I asked, scribbling notes down on a piece of paper._

_"Everyone... I guess. Well, there is not exactly just one person..." I left his word hanging. I cleared my esophagus and scribbled down a few more notes. "Harvey, I'm saying this with sympathy, but I feel that you blame people for something you could not control. And you didn't care about getting straight to the source, you just blamed anyone who was in anyway connected to that source. Am I right?"_

_"And that source is what? _Dr_. Crane?" He ignored my question._

_"The Joker." I said._

_"No." He shot back._

_"Yes." I affirmed. He smiled. "You drive a hard argument, Dr. You just might have to check me out again sometime." He gave me a wink as the orderly's lugged him back out of 'my' office. _

_I had to admit, Mr. Harvey Dent was a mystery, one I intended on solving. That kind of case excited me, in more ways then one. So I was going to 'check' him out again._

_The next week, two other orderly's lugged Harvey into my office. "Good morning, Doctor. I see your looking as fine as ever." He commented. I smiled. "Thank you... Your looking as smokin' as ever." I joked, giving his arm a light tap. The side of his face that was not burnt frowned at me. "Sorry." I mumbled._

_"Take a seat.... Now, Harvey, how have you been feeling? Any sudden changes?" I asked. "No, just a few... Mixed emotions I guess....." He trailed off. "Oh? And who would these emotions be for, assuming you are attracted to another person...?" I asked, he smiled leaning across my desk. _

_"C'mere..." He said, I leaned closer. "You." He said in my ear, following it up with licking the shell. I pulled away. "Well-mmmhmm- that is very interesting, I think your ready for me to send you to another, much more appropriate, regular." I said, clearing my esophagus._

_"I know thats not what your thinking, _Doctor. _Mmmm, I know you want me so bad, that right now, your hand is getting ready to undo your pants, so right after the orderly's drag me out, you can jack-off thinking about my big, juicy-" I cut him off_

_"-OKAY! I really think it's time for you to leave!" He had gotten most of my plan right. I was going to finish myself off, thinking about him, my hand was hovering over my business pants._

_"C'mon, Crane, lighten up... Live a little." He said, leaning across the desk, capturing my lips in a burning(no pun intended) kiss. Despite myself, I moaned, allowing him entry. He broke apart after a few minutes. "Undo my restraints, Johnny, your all mine." He hissed, licking my cheek. _

End flashback

"And, well, then it happened." Crane said. "Thats funny, I remember it differently." I sensual voice said, coming from the doorway. Crane gasped, standing there, in all his half-crispy faced glory was Harvey Dent.

"Hey, Johnny."

_______________

A/N: Your probably saying, how did he get the letter so fast. Don't worry it will be explained. Hope you liked it. :) 


	16. Blood, Pain, And Suffering

Disclaimer: I own no Batman characters. They belong to DC Comics, Bob Kane, and, in some cases, Chris Nolan.

A/N: Harvey wont be staying for long. Enjoy.

_____________

"Harvey?" Crane was in disbelief. "In the flesh.... Well, heh... Half." Harvey joked. Edward looked at him. "What happened to your face?" Edward asked, moving closer to Harvey, staring at the half of his face that was burnt beyond recognition.

"Why don't you ask ol' Joker here, he knows." Harvey said, nodding over to Jack. Edward turned to look at Jack. "It was a miscommunication with my thugs..." Joker trailed off.

Crane looked at Harvey intently. "How... I just sent you a letter. How did you get here?" Crane was shocked. He guessed the mail service was better then the pony express. Harvey walked over to Crane, hugging him. "It's called P.O box, Johnny." Crane pulled back and looked at his ex-boyfriend.

"You said you needed to talk, well, I'm all ears. Did you change your mind about me, Johnny?" Harvey asked, looked at Crane with hopeful eyes. "No. Not a chance, beacon face." Edward said, breaking Crane out of Harvey's grasp, pulling Crane into his arms. "Jonathan, tell the man what you needed to tell him." Edward said.

Crane looked up at Harvey. "Have you heard about the men in Gotham getting pregnant?" Crane asked Harvey, whispering very softly. "Yea..." Harvey replied, looking at Jonathan questionably.

"Well... After the times in the showers, and in my office, and in your cell, and in my cell... During one of our fucks, somehow, you got me pregnant." Crane finally said, collapsing into Edward's embrace, sobbing into his green shirt.

"Oh.... Oh my god. Jonathan.... I-I'm so sorry." Harvey said, softly, reaching out to touch Crane's face. "Don't touch me you FREAK!" Jonathan yelled, wiggling out of Edward's arms, shoving Harvey back a little.

"You think I want your freaking baby!? Do you think I'm keeping it!!? Like hell I'm keeping your disgusting spawn, you FUCKING PIG!" Crane screamed and punched Harvey in the face.

Harvey stumbled back, allowing Crane access to knee Harvey in the groin, then head butt him. Crane was a small little shit, but when he got pissed, it was not good to be at the receiving end of the anger.

Edward stepped in, grabbing Crane and pinning him, to the recliner, with his body. Crane was wiggling, but finally gave up and started to sob again, snuggling into Edward.

Harvey was pretty bloodied up, but no worse for wear. Bruce had taken him into the kitchen to cleaned up. Schiff had went to go check on Lillian, making sure she didn't try to come down stairs in the middle of the screaming.

Edward and Jack were trying to calm Crane down. Crane was sobbing uncontrollably. "Shh, JC, baby boy..." Edward crooned. "Johnny, why did you freak like that?" Jack asked softly. Crane lifted his head from Edward's chest. "B-because..." Crane soon found his speech again.

"After Harvey and I got together, everything seemed well, until I found out he had a bit of an anger problem...."

_Flashback; Arkham Asylum 2 months earlier._

_"No, Harvey, baby, I'm not in the mood." Crane whined, as his boyfriend tried to gain acess to his lovers cock. "C'mon, Johnny, I'll make you _scream_ if you ask real nicely." Harvey mumbled. Crane grabbed Harvey's wondering hands. "I said, no." Crane snapped. Harvey got this angry look in his eyes. "Well, I say, yes." Harvey pushed Crane down on their shared bed. Ripping Jonathan's Arkham pants off, and shoving himself in Crane without warning._

_"Stop.... Stop it!" Crane whispered, voice failing. Harvey didnt oblige to Crane's pleas, just fucked him hard to his own accord. Harvey grabbed Cranes hard on(stupid, betraying penis!) and began jacking Crane off, in rythm to his thrusts. Soon, both Harvey and Jonathan were writhering in pleasure. Harvey falling asleep, still inside Crane. Jonathan carefully lifted himself off Harvey, going to the corner of his cell, crying, looking out the window._

_Whispering to the pale moonlight. "Please save me, Bruce.... Batman."_

Present time.

"That dirty, filthy, scum fucker!!" Edward yelled, trying to rush into the kitchen, but being held back by the Joker. "Edward, rape is the lowest thing to do to a person, I know, but killing Harvey won't mend Jonathan's heart. Only your love can." Jack said to Edward, bringing Edwards hand over Crane's heart. "True love saves all." Jack said. Kissing Crane on the forehead, then going to join his on love, who was still in the kitchen helping Harvey.

"True love does save the broken." Edward said. Crane slowly sat in Edwards lap, lowering his lips so they brushed over Edwards. "Then save me." Jonathan whispered, letting Edwards lips lock with his. In a slow dance of burning passion. "Save me.... Harder." Crane encouraged, moaning as Edward nipped at his earlobe. They were inturrupted by a small voice. "Excuse me!?" Lillian yelled.

"What is it, darlin'?" Edward asked, smiling at the little girl. She smiled. "I was just wondering if I could talk to Johnny, alone?" She asked. "Of coarse, sweetie... Edward go check on the rest of them." Crane said to his grumbling lover.

He sat Lillian on his lap, her big blue eyes staring up at him. "What is it, sweetie?"

She looked down, tears threatning her eyes. "Well, I thought since, you were a doctor.. Y-you could help my D-daddy. He didnt tell anyone this, not even Daddy Jack, but he has been having really bad stomach aches lately. He throws up blood, even. I-it's just really scary....!" She nuzzled into Crane's chest, starting to cry. "Shh, Lilly, your Daddy's going to be fine." He hated lying to her, but he hated seeing that pretty face cry.

She looked up at him. "Really?" She asked. He kissed away a tear that was on her cheek. "Really."

He lied.

_________________

After staying for lunch, Harvey insisted is was best to leave, he was right. As soon as his Corvette zoomed at out sight, Crane went into the living room. Gathering everyone, except Lillian who had, thankfully, fallen aslled upstairs. Crane was about to tell the men that Schiff's fate needed to be tended to.

"Okay, I have called you all in here, again, because I have some bad news. When Schi-" Crane was cut off by a sharp pain in his stomach, he doubled over. "Ouch! Ahhhh!... Oh, my God!" Crane yelled, Edward was at his side instantly.

"I think somethings wrong with the baby." Crane whispered. Edward looked down at Crane's white skinnie jeans to see blood soking the groin.

"No..." Edward whispered.


	17. Stop Crying Your Heart Out

Disclaimer: I own no Batman characters. They belong to DC Comics, Bob Kane, and, in some cases, Chris Nolan. Nor do I own any House, MD characters.

A/N: Sorry about the waiting. Its horrible, isn't it? The waiting? Well, this is a hard chapter to write. But, another House, MD crossover!

Poor Crane :[

Inspired by the song 'Stop Crying Your Heat Out.' By Oasis.

Enjoy the heartache :]

___________

"The ambulance will be here in 5 minutes. We should bring Jonathan to the couch." Bruce said, coming out of the kitchen, kneeling down next to Edward, who was peering down at his boyfriend. Peering down at his boyfriend, who was not moving. Bleeding, but not moving.

"Edward... Help me." Crane choked out. Edward didn't make any move to help him, just staring down at him, blank expression. Finally green eyes blinked, and a freckled hand grasped a pale one. "Don't die, JC, I've lost to much already." Edward whispered, glancing over at Jack. Who was standing with Schiff, looking down at the three men on the floor.

The Joker never cried, ever. But that didn't mean Jack couldn't cry. This was one of the few times he felt tears forming at the rims of his glassy eyes. He turned to Schiff.

"Tommy, we should stay here with Lillian. Lets go check on here, huh?" Jack said, brushing the bangs out of Schiffs eyes. Schiff nodded, took Jack's hand, and went up stairs.

Bruce and Edward lifted Crane to the couch. Edward brushing the hair out of Crane's blue eyes. "...And all of the stars, have faded away...." Edward quietly crooned, tears spilling over green orbs. The men then heard the ambulance siren, approaching in the distance.

"Come on, let's get him to the front door." Bruce said, but it was like talking to a brick wall. "Stop crying your heart, cause all of the stars have faded away...." Edward kept singing. But he did help Bruce with Crane. The EMT's came in and rushed Crane out. Edward and Bruce squeezing in the ambulance.

"And stop crying your heart out.... Stop crying your heart out..." Edward repeated, to no one but himself. Willing himself not to cry. He wanted to be strong, strong for his baby boy.

The ambulance arrived at the hospital, doctors on call rushing towards Crane. They were calling out numbers to each other, Edward not picking up anything they were saying. Just watching as they rushed Crane to OR.

_Crane POV. Operating Room 113._

_They looked so frantic, rushing over me. My vision was blurred, but I could make out one doctor, he was holding heart paddles. Ya' know, the ones you zap people with, when their heart fails. It was Doctor. House! He came to save me!_

_But, he looked so... serious. His eye brows were nit together, he slowly came at me with the paddles. And....._

_House POV. Operating room 113._

_The heart monitor still flat lined. "House-" Chase put a hand on my shoulder "- He's gone. No use in-" I gave Chase a hard look. "No, do it again." I said. _

_I really had no idea why I cared so much about saving this kid. Maybe is was because he was a fellow doctor. Or maybe it was those high cheek bones, and those lips. He just looked so delicate, I felt it was my job to save something so.... pretty? Yea, I guess you could say Birdie was pretty._

_"Clear." I said. And one more time, I zapped him with the paddles. We all looked at the monitor, after a few agonizing seconds, it started to beep. And his heart rate came back up. The doctors started to clean him up, and get him ready for a room in the ICU._

Waiting room.

"What's taking them so long?" Bruce muttered, only to himself, Edward was off in some la la land. "Stop crying your heart out...." Edward kept saying to himself. "Batty?" Both men heard a grumbly voice say. They looked up to see Dr. House staring down at them. Edward then lost his composure. He slammed into House, yelling. "You! You did this to him!" Even though, it technically was Harvey who hurt Crane. Edward started to punch House's chest. Bruce moved to pry a sobbing Edward off House.

Bruce held Edward close. "Shhh. It's okay." Bruce crooned to Edward, who was burying his head in Bruce's chest. "How is he?" Bruce asked House. "Well, the news isn't bad. But it's not the best. We have him stable in the ICU. But the next few hours are critical."

Edward looked up from Bruce's chest. "Hows the baby?" He asked. House smiled. "It seems to be doing good. The blood was not even related to the baby's health. But, like I said, the next few hours are critical."

"Can we see him?" Edward asked. House nodded his head, 'yes'. Bruce and Edward followed House to a room in ICU. Crane was hooked up to tons of tubes and wires. "Don't worry, those are just to monitor his vitals, they're not as scary as they look." A doctor with an australian accent told the men, he was standing by Crane's bed, looking at a chart.

"This is Dr. Robert Chase, he will be watching over Birdie during his stay." House said. Bruce shook the man's hand. "Hi, I'm Bruce Way..... Yes, Bruce Way. And this is my friend Edward Nygma." Bruce gestured to Edward, who was already sitting by Crane, singing again. "May your smile....shine on..."

Crane's eye's slowly fluttered open. "Edward..." He said, his voice barely there. Edward's eye lit up. "JC. Yea, baby boy, I'm here. You okay?" He asked. Crane smiled weakly. "Yea, I'm okay. You okay, darlin'?" Crane tried to imitate Edward's southern drawl. They laughed. "I'm okay..." Edward said, then kissed Crane, savoring the sweet flavor.

"I'm so glad your okay. I don't know what I'd do with out you...." Edward whispered. Crane nodded. "I'm fine, really. Hows, t-the baby?" Crane asked. Edward smiled, happy to give good news. "The baby's fine. Nothing to worry about, love." He kissed Crane again.

"I love you, Jonathan Crane."

"I love you too, Edward Nygma."

_______________

A/N: You didn't really think I'd kill Crane off, did you? Of coarse not. 


	18. Infections Mean 'No Boundaries'

Disclaimer: I own no Batman characters. They belong to DC Comics, Bob Kane, and, in some cases, Chris Nolan. Nor do I own any House, MD character's.

A/N: Sorry for the sugar overdose there. The sweetness just gets to me :] But this chapter will be pretty sour, bitter, and sad. I guess I'm just a sucker for heart break.

Inspired by the song 'No Boundaries' preformed by Adam Lambert.

The formatting on this chapter is a little different. I thought I'd try more people's P.O.V's

Enjoy!

__________

_Jonathan Crane's hospital journal._

______________________________

Dear, journal, It has been 2 week's since the accident and operation. They still haven't found anything else wrong with me. So, today Edward and Bruce will be here to take me home. Finally, I was getting tired of this hospital food. It's nothing compared to Edward's cooking. And, for christ sakes, I have not gotten laid in 2 fucking weeks. I'm totally straining here! Every time Edward comes in to visit, I feel like I'm gunna' cum in my pants from just a kiss.

Anyway, I figured I'd keep this journal and give it to my child, when it's born. So they can see what pain they made me go through. It's not to make them feel bad, it's just for the record. I'm going to love my child the best I can. Fuck Harvey, I'm planning to ask Edward to adopt the baby, and have Harvey sign over all parental rights.

Oh! Doctor Chase just walked in, he's such a cutie pie!

-Jonathan

_Omniscient P.O.V_

________________

"Good morning Dr. Chase, do you know when Bruce and Edward will be here to pick me up?" Crane looked at the handsome Australian doctor. Chase looked at Crane, sadly. He sat on the side of Crane's bed. You see, during the two weeks that Crane stayed at the hospital, all of the doctors got hooked on his psychotic charm, and his womanly features. The blue eyes melted the nurse's heart's, and made the doctors blush.

"Well, Dr. Crane, it seems I have some bad news. We have just got your H.I.V blood test's back from the lab, and it appears you have contracted the virus...." Chase watched as Crane's eyes welled up in tears. "... I would encourage you to stay in the hospital a few more days, and contact all of your sexual partners. Assuming you haven't been with Mr. Nygma since puberty..." Chase gave a weak smile and patted Crane's knee. "I'm real sorry, Johnny..."

Crane shuttered into sobs. "Your... Sorry!? SORRY!? Have you any idea what this is going to do to me!? To my fuckin' BABY!?" Crane yelled at Chase, sadness turning into anger. Just then, Dr. House walked in Crane's room. Standing next to the bed.

"I'm guessing you told Birdie about his H.I.V results." House said. Crane looked up from his hands. "You guess?! Of coarse he told me... Why would I be crying over good news? Fuck my life."

House put his hand on Chase's shoulder. "Let me have a moment with Birdie, alone." He said. Chase got up and left, House taking his spot on the side of Crane's bed. "Now, Birdie, I know that this is not the greatest news ever... But, it really could be a lot worse. We are 85% positive that the baby won't contract the virus when it's born. Because of Gotham's mutation to your inside's, the virus has a harder chance at getting to the baby through the mutated blood. All in all, it really could be a lot worse."

Crane wished Dr. House didn't have to put it so... Gruesomely. Mutation? Ew. Crane looked at House, putting on his professional face. "How can we start beating this?" He asked. "Well-" started House "-I would start by telling your boyfriend."

_Edward's house. _

_Bruce P.O.V_

__________

The day finally came, Edward and I were going to get Johnny back from the hospital. Over the past few weeks, I have been doing check ups on Gotham. Seeing if they're missing Batman as much as I'm missing them. They are, of coarse Commissioner Gordon was in a rage for the first few day's of 'Bruce Wayne's' disappearance. Befuddled on why Batman wasn't there to help look for 'Bruce Wayne'. If he _has_ put two and two together, he hasn't told anybody. No new info on the search for me, or Batman.

"Good morning, Bats." Jack whispered in my ear. His voice heavy with sleep. His belly had gotten even bigger. I would estimate he was about 5 1/2 months along now. But, I'm not an ace at math, so...

"Good morning, baby.-" I yawned. "Sleep well? Considering what time we finally fell asleep..." I gave him a perverse smirk. He licked his right scar. Then he cracked a smile. "Ya know, morning sex is a great way to wake a man up." He wriggled his eyebrows. I frowned.

"Sorry love, Edward and I are going to pick up Jonathan from the hospital. And Edward wants to get there as early as possible, so... Maybe later." He scowled, and pulled himself up, using the side table as a base. "Need help there, man?" I asked. "No, no. It's just... This stomach is getting in the way. Ugh..." I walked over and hugged him from behind. "Don't worry, love. Almost there, just a few more months. The hardest part is almost over, my friend." I kissed his temple, and started to get dressed.

Edward had taken me shopping recently, so I had some more cloths. I picked out red skinny jeans, and a black muscle shirt. I had decided to keep my 'emo' style, as Crane liked to call it. I would have to disagree. I just didn't want anyone to recognize me, besides Dr. House.

As I walked down stairs with Jack, I smelled the sweet scent of Edward's pancakes. Jackpot. I swear, that man would make the best housewife in history. "Hurry up, Bruce, we don't got all day. JC is probably wondering were we are." Edward looked at his watch quickly, then looked out the window. "Edward-" Schiff started "- relax, he is probably not even awake yet." Schiff was holding a sleeping Lillian on his lap. Her arm's wrapped around his neck, her head resting on his chest.

"Okay, boy's we'll be back soon. No rough housing while we are away." I chimed as Edward and headed out the door. "I'll drive." I said. Jumping in my Convertible, Edward hesitantly got in the passenger side. "And, here we... Go." I hit the gas peddle all the way down, driving through downtown Philadelphia in 4 minutes. When, going the speed limit, it's a regular 10.

Edward had his eyes clamped shut, moving his mouth, I couldn't hear him, but it looked like he was praying. I silently laughed. The buildings blurred past us as we headed out of downtown. The hospital shortly coming into few.

I slammed on the breaks, almost missing the turn, Edward yelping as he lunged forward. I smiled apologetically at him, he scowled. I found a parking spot, and we headed inside. Edward was radiating with joy. But, for some reason, I had a bad feeling, deep down, I knew something was wrong.

Oh, boy, did I know.

_Gregory House P.O.V_

___________________

I knew Birdies little animal friends were going to be here soon to pick him up. I have to admit, I really did dread having to tell Mr. Nygma about his boyfriend. Crane had absolutely, flat out, refused to tell him himself. So that left little ol' Dr. House. Of coarse, Chase was put on clinic duty, so he couldn't do it. Foremen and Cameron were conveniently both out 'sick', so there were fill in's on call. To robotic to brake any kind of bad news with at least the tiniest bit of sympathy.

My cane clattered on the hallway, echoing off the walls. Then I spotted Wilson, walking out of his office, folders in hand. "Hey! Wilson, buddy ol' pal!" I yelled, I could see him frown in agitation. Good, just the way I like him. "Do you think you could do your best friend a little, tiny favor?" I put my arm around his shoulder.

"I don't think so, House. I have a lot of things to do." He said to me, opening one of the manila folders. I frowned. "Aww, c'mon, Wilson. Not even if I let you suck my-"

"I'm not gay, House, how many times must I tell you?" He cut me off. "I'll let you in on some juicy info." I offered to him. "Oh, and who would that useless gossip be about?"

My lips got really close to his ear, almost touching. "Bruce Wayne." The name rumbled through me. I knew Wilson had some silly man crush on the billionaire ever since he visited Gotham one summer. But of coarse, 'he wasn't gay'.

He stilled. "Bruce W-Wayne?" He stumbled. I nodded. Ever since Bruce and Edward had started to come regularly, I made it a point to keep Wilson away from Crane's room.

"But he's been missing for weeks, along with the Joker, Harvey Dent, Jonathan Crane, and Batman." He looked at me. "What if I let you in on a little secret you can't tell a living soul?" I asked. "Oh... Kay."

I got real close to his ear again. "Bruce Wayne _is_ Batman." Next thing I know, Wilson had fainted.

Oops.

_Crane's Room_

_Edward P.O.V_

_____________

"I'm so glad your alright darlin'. And you get to come home, that's the best part." I said, JC looked at me with sad eyes, weird.... "Yea, I'm excited to, Edward, I have a question. If anything ever happens to me, or the baby, please know it's not your fault. If anything happens, its only my fault, okay?"

That's scary, he started to scare me. "Okay, JC, I know. and if anything did happen to you, I'll be here for you. Through thick and thin, promise." I said, and I meant it, I would be here for him.

Me and Bruce turned to see a doctor, who I had never seen, walk in. "H-hello, m-my name is Dr. W-Wilson." The doctor coughed into his sleeve, muttering something to himself.

"My name is Dr. Wilson, and I have to give you all unfortunate news. Jonathan has decided not to tell you himself, so I have been assigned to tell you. Jonathan seems to have contracted the virus H.I.V. We have tested the fetus and it seems that it's fine. But we must test all of the persons Jonathan has had sexual contact with."

I could feel my vision tuning out, along with my hearing. Everything was moving in slow motion, along with the floor that was hurtling up towards my face. The next thing I felt was something smacking my head. Then I was out.

During my blackout, I recall having a weird dream. I guess learning your lover has H.I.V. will do that to a guy.

Anyway, my dream went like this....

_"... Edward, please help me... Edward?" JC's voice came to me from far away. I opened my eyes to find I was in a forrest. "Edward?!" He called, farther away this time. I started running, first towards his voice. _

_I ran, faster, almost like human hydroplaning. My eyes caught a opening between the tree's. I came to the opening, and saw something horrific. My dream had turned into a nightmare. _

_In the clearing of the tree's, was JC and that ass hole Harvey Dent. Harvey had a gun in his hand, playfully(it appeared to be at least) pointing it at JC. "C'mon, Johnny, it's not even loaded... You little boyfriend can't help you. Didn't you once say 'In here, only the mind can grant you power...'? Not so philosophical now, huh?" _

_The... He shot. The silver bullet went right through JC's heart, in my mind, I could see it. The glint of silver going through a tunnel of crimson. And then, I could hear the fluttering of a heartbeat slowing down. Almost like bird wings coming to a halt. JC's body was in the clearing, covered in blood. _

_But my legs refused to move when I tried to run to him. Then I heard him again. Only this time, it was like wind chimes, not his usual soft voice, just the right pitch and inflection. "Edward... It's okay. Come with me... Edward?" It got louder._

_"Edward! Edward!!"_

I opened my eyes to see a few pairs peering down at me. One being that icy blur color. "S-sorry, guess I must have lost it." I muttered, and tried to stand.

"I don't remember... What did you tell me again, Dr. Wilson?" I asked. I felt a bony hand on my shoulder, that spun me around to look at icy eyes.

"Edward, I'm sick... I have H.I.V."

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A/N: Okay, sorry for the long wait. Just having trouble with my stupid school work. Blec. anyway, I'm so mean to Crane, I should really cut him a break.... Naww. 


	19. Funky Music And Authors Note

Authors Note.

Omg, guys I feel like shit for leaving ya'll hanging.

But my Freshmen Final Exams are here, and lifes busy and stressful.

Trust me, more will come my friends.

Just because I was an ass hole, I will wright a random funny, happy, chapter, yahoo!!!

Pairing: J Crane, E. Nygma.

Disclaimer: Own Nothing.

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"You mean, we have the whole house, to ourselves?" Crane asked his beautiful lover, the enigma of life, The Riddler, Edward Nygma. Edward nodded. "Bruce and Jack are out at the store, Schiff and Lillian are at the hospital for his follow up, so, uh, yea." Edward said cooly, sauntering over to his lanky lover. "Mmm, in that case, Mr. Nygma, can I.... Tell you a story?" Crane kept his serious.

"Sure, you can... Tell me a story." Edward said, Crane pushed him on the couch. And slowly started stripping. "Ok, I'm going to sing you a song. A song about revolution, it tells a story of a certain 'white boy' and some funky music." Crane said, taking off his pants, clad in plaid boxers. "Ya' ready?" Edward just nodded. Soon, Crane hit the play button on the old sound system in Edwards living room. The old 'groovy' beat hit the air, along with Crane's voice. Soprano, but fitting to the song. When the singers(happened to be the version sang by American Idol runner up Adam Lambert) voice filled the air, Crane came sliding into the living, much like Tom Cruise in 'Risky Bussiness', only of coarse, a different song.

Crane swiftly danced a long to the song, stalking toward Edward, preditor like, when the choras sang 'Play that funky music 'till you die.' And the singers voice went dangerously low, so did Crane's ass. All the way to the ground, shaking it, like he was straight up hood. Which, of coarse, was not true. Jonathan Crane was the epitome of the ultimate white boy. And finally, when the song ended, Crane grabbed Edward, hauled him up on the wall, and proceeded to assult him with his nimble tongue.

"Ohh, white boy, play that funky music all right." Edward said, as dirty as he could, as Crane let out a strangled moan. The next song on C.D came on, 'Cryin'', it was then Crane wondered why Edward had bought that American Idol guy's album. Sure he was pretty hot...

"We are seriously going to have sex to a break up song?" Edward asked, through filtered kisses. "You bought the C.D" Crane mumbled. Edward laughed. "Can you blame me? The kids a fuckin' looker, straight up glam rock, my friend." It was then Crane stopped kissing Edward. "You can't tell me you like that shit they call music."

"Um, excuse me, but glam rock is what built the foundation for your beloved 'Placebo', without AC/DC, Kiss, Led Zepplin, music'd be shit." Crane snorted at this comment. "And I s'pose that that Adam whatshisface kid is bringing back that stuff? Thats why you have his CD?" Crane asked, Edward nodded and motioned for Crane to follow him. They came to the hallway leading down to the basement. "I even met him after one of his concerts." Edward said, pointing to a picture of the kid tyed to a chair, bound and gagged, tear streks on his face. "He looks so thrilled to meet you..." Crane mused, laughing to himself. "Okay, so he didn't exactly like riddles, what can say? He was a good fuck though..." Edward laughed as Crane hit him on shoulder. "Edward Nygma, you dirty pervert. That kids like 10 years younger than you, when he was 10 you were 20. Thats gross."

"It's no grosser than you reading that dirty fan fiction about Danny Fenton and Vlad Masters. How much is their age difference again... Oh yeaaa like 30 years. You, my friend, are the perv." Crane scowled. "20, F.Y.I, Vlad is 20 years older then Danny." Edward giggled. "Excuse me, Queen Crow." Crane mumbled a 'Shut up', but grabbed Edward for a passionate kiss.

Oh, it was love all right. Between the Glam rocking, riddle machine, and the ex-physciatrist, emo rocking, fan fiction writer. Love, plain and simple.

_finis_

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A/N: I love Adam Lambert and Danny Phantom. :]


	20. Truth Be Told

Disclaimer: I own no Batman characters. They belong to Bob Kane, DC Comics, and, in some cases, Chris Nolan. I own no House, MD characters either.

A/N: Omg, my exams are over :]] That means way more updates. Happy Day!

Anyway, enjoy!

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_Edward Nygma_

After I fainted, JC had told me the origin of my fatigue. H.I.V, from that fucker Harvey Dent. Me and Bruce were riding home when Bruce put his hand over mine. "You gunna be okay, Edward?" He asked. That stupid fake compassion in his playboy voice. Yea, I was gunna be okay, I just found out my boyfriend has H.I.V, I was just FINE.

"Yea, I'll be okay. It.. just takes awhile for it to sink in, ya' know?" I faked serenity. Her smiled and nodded, putting his hand back on the wheel.

It was hard to believe, I had just met these people three weeks ago. And the first thing Bruce fucking Wayne ever did to me was push me up against a wall and demand to see Jackson.... And now he was comforting me because my boyfriend, (his fuck buddy) Jonathan Crane, had come down with a deadly illness.

Really? How fucked up are our lives? It wasn't every day you come across five men living together, two of them pregnant, and one already having a toddler. Though we all did complete each other in one way or another.

Bruce is the muscle and the reason, almost like the glue of our little family. Always having to put his two cents in, and always protecting Jack.

Jack is our comic relief, of coarse. Who was more amusing then the Joker? Note: I said amusing, not funny. Ever since I was a little kid he had been there to lift my spirits when something awful happened. Heh.... Then when we became a couple... He did more then lift my _spirits, _if you know what I'm saying...

Schiff is like the fatherly figure. He had really molded himself since the incident with Dent. Yea, Jack told me about how Schiff was pronounced dead. He was always giving Lillian a lesson on how to be a great villain, or to make 'good' choices. God bless her heart when she gets her first boyfriend...

I can see my self as a motherly figure in Lillian's eye. When Schiff wouldn't let her get ice cream, I was always the person she went to to get a double fudge nut bar. I wouldn't say I'm a nagging mother hen, but I also help Jack, making sure he takes that fucking horse vitamin everyday. But then Johnny would tell me to leave Jack alone, being my voice of reason. I was a bit overprotective....

Then comes my little bird, JC. Jonathan Crane, such a beautiful name. Thats actually what I thought when he introduced himself to me. The second thing I though was how fucking skinny he was. Borderline malnourished and or anorexic. But then I noticed the cheek bones, the icy blue eyes, and the cunning persona that went with him.

As I was reminiscing in all the mushy gushy stuff, I noticed Bruce had pulled the car over.....

_Bruce Wayne_

I pulled the car over on a side road. I figured it was time to tell Edward about Batman and Scarecrow.... He looked up from the window. "What's the problem?" He mumbled. Poor bastard must have been sleeping.

I just looked forward, at the blooming trees and winding back road. "Edward... You remember before I came to Philly, how Jack would talk about 'Batman' in his sleep...? Well, I'm Batman." I finally spit it out. He laughed.

"So you and Jackson had kinky nicknames for each other, I get it...." He trailed off as he saw my face. The Batman face.

"Oh... ohmygod! You can't be saying.... Your the _actual _Batman!? Then that means... JC is the _actual _Doctor. Jonathan Crane?" He looked at me with terror in his eyes. I nodded, his freckled face scrunching up in sadness. He tried to blink away the tears, but I saw them spill over his eyelids.

"Edward... I'm so sorry." I reached for him, he pulled away. Angry. "I knew it couldn't just coincidence... But I refused to be logical." He let out a empty laugh. "... But really? How many Doctor Jonathan Crane's from Gotham are there? God... I'm so stupid!" He yelled, his body racking with sobs.

I reached for him again. "Don't even _touch_ me!" He yelled. Then, before I could even blink, Edward had gotten out of the car and sprinted into the woods. I tried to run after him, but even with that limp, he was a fast mother fucker.

"Edward!.... Edward!" after 20 minutes of looking for him, I figured I'd lost him. What was I going to tell Jonathan.

Crap.

_Jonathan Crane_

After Edward and Bruce left, Dr. House ordered more monitors for the baby. He said they were just to make sure nothing happened. "Well, Doctor. Crane, I think your in need of a good rest. Why don't you take a nap, okay?" Dr. Wilson said sweetly to me.

I turned my head to look at him. "Ya' know, I've worked as a psychiatrist for 10 years, and never ounce have I had to tell a patient they were a hopeless case. And you... You have to tell patients that they're dying. How do you do it without losing your mind every day?"

Wilson sat on my bed. "Well, I think of it this way; If it wasn't me telling them, it'd be someone else. And between you and me... House isn't the best at breaking bad news.... You'll be fine Jonathan, you have the best people on your side. We'll fix you, I promise."

I felt tears in my eyes. "No one deserves this, Wilson, no one. I know I've been a cruel person my whole life. But I'd go back and change that, for just one minute of sanity and serenity...."

I felt him wrap his arms around me. "I know, Johnny, I know.... It's going to be okay, I promise."

And, God, I hoped he was right.

_Edward Nygma_

I felt the sharp wind whip around me. The leaves creating a crunchy pillow for my head, as I lay on the hard ground. Being around autumn, the trees were bleeding leaves of all colors. The moon was my only light, and the stars my only warmth.

I was sure to get frostbite on my toes by early morning. My mouth was drooling vomit from throwing up my stomach. and my eyes were sore and dry from crying. I let myself drift off into dreams, realizing my life was over....

_"Edward...." A soft voice called to me. I followed it, through leaves and trees. Much like my other dream. But, in this, I could almost taste the serenity. The red leaves got pushed out of my view as I moved them, my feet crunching already dead ones as I ran. _

_I came to a deserted clearing. But then I saw someone stumble out of the bushes. It was JC... He was in a suit, running his hands through his cropped hair, and he had a odd looking burlap sack in his hand. I could barley make out what he was mumbling._

_"Stupid Bat-Man, always has a taste for disruption." He walked like he had been injured, clutching his stomach. "Rachel fucking Dawes and her taser gun...."_

_"JC, look out!" I yelled, but he didn't hear me as a black shadow swooped down from the sky and tackled him. They wrestled around for a few minutes, the shadow got the upper hand._

_"Taste of your own medicine, Doctor?" Then some type of spray came out of JC's wrist cuff, in his face. He started coughing._

_I started to run towards them, but, as soon as I reached for JC, they vanished. I heard voices, so I whirled around, and saw a desk in middle of the clearing. Two people sitting at it, one was JC, the other was a big guy._

_"What do you want?" JC asked, annoyed._

_"I what to know, how your going to convince me to keep my mouth shut." The bigger guy asked._

_"About what? You don't know anything."_

_"I know you don't want the cops to take a good look at the drugs they seized. And I know about the experiments with the inmates of your nuthouse. See, I don't go into business with a guy without finding out about his dirty secrets. Heh, those goons you used... I own the muscle in this town. Now, I've been bringing your stuff in for moths, so whatever he's planning... It's big, and I want in." _

_JC looked coldly at the man. "Well, I already know what he'll say, that we should... kill you?" His voice was emotionless._

_The man laughed. "Nah, not even he can get me, not in my town.".... JC raised an eyebrow. JC took off his glasses. "Would you like to see my mask?" He popped open his briefcase, taking out that ugly burlap sack._

_"I use it in my experiments... Now it might not look threatening to... A guy like _you, _but these crazy's.. They can't stand it." JC put the sack on his head. The man laughed. "So when did the nut take over the nuthouse?"_

_Then that same toxin was sprayed from JC's briefcase, right into the mans face. The man started to scream. All right, JC! Stand up for yourself, darlin'!_

_"They scream and they cry, much like your doing right now actually."_

_Then the scene disappeared, much like the last. I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around to get a face full of toxin._

_It burned my eyes, like someone had dropped acid in them, slowly, painfully. Then I saw blood, lots of blood, pouring out of JC's nose, mouth, eyes. Any opening on his face was bleeding. Then I heard cryptic singing. _

_"I could while away the hours, conferrin' with the flowers, cunsultin' with the rain._

_And my head I'd be a scratchin', if my thoughts were busy hatchin', if I only had a brain." _

_Then...._ I woke up.

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A/N: I was dying to get that out there. The original Scarecrow's singing lines! It was perfecto! I hope you enjoyed. :]


	21. To Blow Up A Hospital

Disclaimer: I own no Batman characters. They belong to Bob Kane, DC Comics, and, in some cases, Chris Nolan.

A/N: Sorry if it was a bit confusing o.o, And this chapter will be mostly focusing on Bruce and Jack. I found I accidentally turned the main focusing point on Crane and Edward. Oops!

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this one. :]

P.S: Omg, there might actually be some sexy time in this chappie!

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_Omniscient P.O.V_

Bruce slowly opened the front door to 74 West Street, Edward Nygma's apartment, and stepped inside. He crept quietly to the living room, to find Lillian and Schiff asleep on the couch, and Jack asleep in the arm chair.

Bruce could hear the hum of the television, so he shut it off. "I was watchin' that..." Jack mumbled, sleep clogged voice not very coherent. Bruce smiled. "Yea, what were you watching? The inside of your eyelids? Come on, lets get to bed."

Jack moaned. "Sleep is for the weak, my Batty friend." Bruce lifted Jack bridal style, Jack nuzzling into the crook of Bruce's neck. "Who said we're going to sleep?" Bruce whispered into Jack's ear.

Bruce felt Jack smile into his skin. "Ohh, Mr. Wayne, well I do declare, was that a pass at little ol' me?" Jack put on his horrible southern accent. Two could play at that game.

"I'm going to fuck you so hard, you'll feel me for _days_." Bruce's voice was a little rusty from not speaking in the Batman voice for so long, but he still got it. Jack moaned and nuzzled closer into his lover.

But then he felt himself get thrust onto the bed. His cloths coming off. "Wait!" He stopped Bruce. "What's the problem?" Batman growled.

Jack covered his stomach back up, though the buttons of his shirt were strune everywhere. "I-I'm tired, after all, lets just go to bed, huh?" The Joker was never one to pass up a good fucking, there was something up.

"...Jack? What's the _real _problem?" Bruce raised an eyebrow at his lover. The Joker sighed.

"Bruce fucking Wayne... The real problem is that..... God Damn you! I just don't feel good looking anymore. I don't know if its the stupid woman hormones, or the fact that I'm as big as a fucking house! I'm just not handsome anymore. Happy?"

Bruce laughed at this ridiculous statement. Jack rolled his eyes. "No, no, sweetheart, don't get mad, it's just... I haven't heard anything so incorrect in my life. You are, and will always be, the most beautiful thing in my life, okay?"

Jack smiled. "Okay.._heh_... God, I'm such a women." Bruce put his lips to Jack's ear. "Then I'll treat you like a lady."

Jack moaned, unbuckling his pants, whilst Bruce pulled down his own boxers. His pants were lost a long time ago. Bruce's cock was at Jack's entrance as soon as the boxers were gone. "Not even preparation, well, Mr. Wayne, I do declare that your not as gentlemen like as I thought."

Bruce grunted as he pushed in. "Well, I do declare your a fucking _whore_. Your _my _fucking whore." Bruce knew he hit Jack's sweet spot when he heard that little noise he only made when his prostate was hit. It was a mix between a moan and a laugh. Uniquely _Joker_.

"Ohhh, Jack, I-I'm gunna', c-c-" Before Bruce could finish his 'sentence', he spilled himself inside his lover. As Jack spilled himself onto Bruce's hand.

They lay in the afterglow(as well as some other stuff), holding each other. Stealing kisses from one another. It was a regular sappy sight, indeed.

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"You did _what!?_" Jack yelled. "I lost Edward... Well, he ran away when I told him about Batman and Scarecrow..." Bruce murmured. "This is not good." Schiff said to himself.

"Daddy, who's Batman and Scarecrow?" Lillian piped in. "Shhh, Lillian." He hushed his daughter. "How could that gimpy bastard out run fucking _Batman_?" Jack mused to himself. "What can I say? The kids a fast one."

Jack ignored him. "Did you ever even think about what we're are gunna' tell Crane? Or, excuse me, what _you're_ gunna' tell him-"

"Why me!?" Bruce yelled.

"Your the one that lost his boyfriend! And your the only one that's stuck your cock up his ass!" Jack yelled. Schiff covered Lillian's ears. "Language!" He yelled.

"Sorry, but Lillian's vocabulary is already shot, Tommy." Jack said, Schiff scoffed. "Well, Brucey, I suggest you get your sorry ass moving. You have some important news for our dear Doctor."

______________

"You did _what!?_" Crane screeched, his already soprano voice reaching new limits. "How does one lose a human being?" Crane asked, scornfully. Bruce nervously chuckled. "How does one suck a fuck? The enigmas of life are endless-"

"Don't even say that word." Crane ordered.

"What word?"

"Enigma. Thats Edward's word. Don't say it again." Crane's icy eyes were fire, burning through Bruce like coals. "Okay... Well, he couldn't have gone far with that limp, and it only being fifty degree's out...."

"Oh God, he's probably _dead_." Crane's eyes filled with tears. "No! He's a survivor, Johnny, he's lived in Detroit and South Philadelphia. If he can can beat up gangsters and mob bosses, I think he can go against a bunny rabbit." Crane chuckled at this. "Bruce fucking Wayne, why can't anyone stay mad at you?"

Bruce laid down beside Crane, careful not to touch the machines. "Is it because I'm the charming playboy, and the sexy vigilante? Mmmm?" Bruce grabbed Crane's hand, kissing it. "Your beautiful, have I ever told you that?" Bruce mused.

"Hello Doct- Oh my, am I interrupting something?" Wilson said, walking through the doors. "No, no. I was just here to visit Jonathan... Its nice to see you again, Wilson." Bruce made a point to say Wilson's name more of a moan then a word.

Wilson blushed. "Its n-nice to s-see you too Mr. W-Wayne." He fumbled with his words. "Well, I best be off. I'll see you later, Jonathan. Good day, _Doctor _Wilson." Bruce made another point to brush against Wilson a little more than needed when leaving.

Wilson shivered. God, Bruce Wayne was such a playboy.

____________

After that nasty dream about JC, Edward had fallen asleep to the sound of a bat. and this morning, he woke up to the sound of a crow. The first thing he noticed, though, was the rumble of his stomach.

"God, Edward Nygma, your so stubborn..." He mumbled to himself. Edward stumbled amongst the leaves and trees. He hadn't realized he had started humming to himself, until he started singing. "I could while away the hours, conferrin' with the flowers, consultin' with the rain.... OhmyGod! Edward fucking Nygma! Get a hold of yourself! You didn't really get sprayed with Crane's toxin, and those things in the dream never really happened."

Edward also realized that it had been the fist time in weeks he had called Jonathan 'Crane', instead of 'JC'. God, he was falling apart. He then started running. To were? He didn't know.

It seemed like forever, he just kept running, because, to Edward, forever would never be enough.

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"So, what do you purpose?" Bruce asked. "It's simple... We, uhh, find Edward." Jack answered. "But, if it's so simple, how come we're not out there already?"

"God! Give me a minute, okay? I'm scheming here."

"But I thought you weren't a schemer?" Schiff piped in.

"Ohhh! Shut the fu_ck up_! I'm a better class of schemer."

"I thought you were a better class of criminal?" Bruce just wanted to see Jack pumped up, it was funny.

"OHMYGOD! What were you doing, stalking me and recording everything I said?" Bruce chuckled. "I'm just kidding, darling, go on, scheme away."

"Okay then, thats what I thought." Jack thought for a few more minutes. "I got it! We have to put the thing Edward loves most in immediate danger, to lure him out. What does Edward love most?"

"Riddles?" Schiff asked. "_No.... _Any other takers?.... Jonathan Crane! Duh!" Bruce smiled, Lillian giggled. "So... Daddy, how do we put Crane in danger?"

The Joker smiled. "We blow up a hospital."

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A/N: Well, This is not good! The Joker and hospitals never mix!


End file.
